Total pages in book: 222
Estimated words: 213974 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1070(@200wpm)___ 856(@250wpm)___ 713(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 213974 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1070(@200wpm)___ 856(@250wpm)___ 713(@300wpm)
It felt like only a heartbeat—possibly two—passed before I inhaled again and caught the scent of fresh air not tainted by the smell of death or staleness. What I breathed in was damp air and sweetness. Lilacs? There was also the sound of tinkling water.
Ash’s fingers curled in my hair as he held me to him. A moment passed. Then another. Neither of us moved as I let the tension out of my body. We were free. Both of us. Safe—at least for right now. And we were together.
Keeping my eyes closed, I felt the mist falling away from us as I soaked in the feel of Ash. Breathed him in. Even though I should be, I was in no rush to part from his embrace. I’d been too long without it.
“You okay?” Ash asked, his breath stirring my hair.
I nodded, the edges of the diamond digging into my palm. “Are you sure this isn’t a dream?”
“Yes, liessa.” He kissed the top of my head. “We are awake. We are together.”
A shudder went through me. “It feels like one. I didn’t think…” I trailed off, shaking my head.
“What?” he questioned softly.
Words tiptoed to my lips and then just stopped there. Speaking the truth about, well, anything had always been hard. But when it came to talking about how I felt? How I really felt? What I’d been afraid of, or my weaknesses? I didn’t have much experience. Like, at all. I hadn’t been taught that. I’d been groomed to feel nothing and share only lies. So, the fear of saying something wrong or not the right way caused near-crippling anxiety. Even now, with Ash, who I knew wouldn’t judge me, wouldn’t laugh. After all, it wasn’t like he had a lot of experience with this stuff either. Still, it was hard.
Yet according to Holland, the hardest things reaped the greatest rewards.
He was correct.
Hard wasn’t impossible.
And keeping my eyes closed helped. “I…I told myself I would get to see you again. It was how I…” I shook my head slightly. “It was how I did what I needed to…you know, survive.”
Ash’s hand flexed at my hip and then slid to the center of my back. “I know.”
I squeezed my eyes shut harder. “But I was so afraid. And I know you say I’m never truly afraid, but I was. I was terrified that I wouldn’t get to see you. That I wouldn’t be strong enough to deal with everything and ensure I saw you.”
“Strong enough?” Ash dragged his hand up my spine. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
“I don’t know about that,” I murmured.
His fingers tangled in my hair more. “You freed me, Sera. You took Kolis down.”
I bit the inside of my lip. “And I could’ve done that anytime. I could’ve freed you days or weeks ago. I could’ve—” I stopped myself from going there. “I should’ve realized I could do what I did.”
“Fates, Sera.” Ash lowered his head so I felt his breath against my brow when he spoke. “Even if you realized it earlier, you wouldn’t have been able to free me. I would’ve been in stasis,” he pointed out. “And then what? I have a feeling you wouldn’t have done the right thing.”
“I would’ve gone to the Carcers and woke you from stasis,” I told him. “That is the right thing.”
“The right thing would’ve been making a run for it,” he said softly. “Instead of risking being recaptured.”
“Would you have made a run for it, or would you have come for me?”
“I would’ve come for you, but we’re not talking about me.”
I frowned.
“You also freed me from stasis,” he went on. “You got Kolis to wake me.”
Some of the tension began slithering its way back into me. “He told you that?”
His hand made another pass up and down my back. “He did.”
I turned my head, pressing my forehead against his chest. I wanted to ask exactly what Kolis had said, but I also didn’t want to know.
Ash was quiet for a moment. “That allowed me to escape. So, yes, you’re the strongest, bravest person I know,” he said, and my eyes started to sting. “I thought I was going to save you. Each time I woke, it was all I focused on: getting free and getting to you.”
I thought about what he’d said, how he’d torn at his flesh to get free. The sting behind my eyes increased.
“And I should’ve been able to do that. I should’ve gotten you out instead of going after Kolis,” he said, his voice flattening. “I should’ve been smarter.”
“Don’t.” I tried to lift my head, but his hand kept me in place. His skin was cool and hard beneath my palm. “Don’t put that on yourself. You came for me. You fought Kolis, and I distracted you.”
“Sera—” A breath shuddered from him. “None of that matters now. You’re not there anymore. We’re here.”