Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 98846 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 494(@200wpm)___ 395(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98846 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 494(@200wpm)___ 395(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
“Of course not. You’re very put together and organized, which I appreciate, and you’re very stable most of the time . . . apart from tonight, anyway.”
“So I’m nice looking, I’m organized, and I’m stable? Those are my best traits?” The whole stable thing is questionable right now. I feel anything but level.
“You’re also kind,” she rushes on. “And you’re good at following the rules, although you do tend to drive slow, but that’s not a big deal, and you’re very generous.”
I jam my hands in my pockets. “Is that it?”
She looks around, maybe slightly panicked, and chuckles. “Um, I guess? I mean, you’re putting me on the spot here.”
“What about in bed? How’s that for you?”
“Ryan!” my mother scolds, and the rest of the family either coughs or snickers.
Jessica’s eyes flare and her cheeks turn red. “Excuse me? I don’t think that’s an appropriate question in front of your family.”
“You’re the one who invited them to this private conversation, and I think it’s a legitimate question.” I cross my arms. It might not be appropriate, but it’s sure as hell pertinent. Part of me also hopes she’ll either ask for privacy or my family will take it as a cue to leave.
“You’re very attentive,” she whispers.
“So would you say we’re compatible in that capacity?”
“Um, yes, I guess.”
“You guess?” I’m pushing for a reason.
“You can be very . . . chatty. I don’t really see why this is relevant.” Her eyes bounce around the room, and her face looks like it’s about to burst into flames.
“I knew it! King’s a dirty talker! I figured he couldn’t be buttoned up all the time.”
“Shut up, Gerald,” everyone says in unison.
“And how do you feel about hockey?” I figure she’s embarrassed enough, and I have the answer I need. Jessica is beautiful, nice, and friendly, but our relationship has always been flawed, and I see that so much more clearly now than I ever did before.
“What?”
“Hockey. How do you feel about it?” I ask gently.
“It’s . . . fine.”
“Fine?”
“Well, it takes up a lot of your time, but you’re not going to play forever, and I’ve always had your family to keep me from getting too lonely, so I’ve been able to deal with it. At least I was able to deal with it until you broke up with me,” she replies.
“I don’t want it to be something you deal with, Jessica. Hockey is my passion. I love it. I’m excellent at it, and it’s always going to be part of my life, even when I’m not playing professionally anymore. I don’t need someone to love the sport the same way I do, but I need a partner who is at least going to understand my passion and help me foster it, not wait for my career to be over so I can fill my time with something else.”
“But we’ve invested all these years together.” She frowns. “And I’m already part of this family.” She glances around the room, her sudden panic obvious as she sends an imploring look to my mother.
And there it is, the truth neither of us wanted to face, and clearly she’s still struggling with it. Jessica’s family is exactly like she is: poised, proper, a little cold, and emotionally unavailable. My family might be a bunch of lunatics, but they love fiercely. And I realize that this is the reason Jessica is here. That, and I think this is my mother’s way of trying to stay in control of her family in the face of so much change. Of course she’d try to keep pushing Jessica and me back together, even though we’re two mismatched puzzle pieces.
This is a conversation Jessica and I should’ve had a long time ago. And it’s the primary reason we stayed together for as long as we did. I felt bad taking my family away from her when I knew she was so attached to them. And they were just as attached to her. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I wanted to make my family happy, so I stayed in that relationship for more years than I should have. And then I met Queenie, and she turned my entire world upside down.
“It’s not really me you’re here for, though, is it?” I ask softly.
“I-I—of course I am.”
I shake my head. “But you’re not. It’s not me you want back: it’s my family. We hardly saw each other except for a month in the off-season. And even then, we spent that month with my family. Otherwise it was once every six weeks, if that. You only ever attended games when they were in Nashville. And you always came with my family.” I take one of her hands in mine. “Look, Jess, I care about you and I always will, but being in love with my family isn’t the same as being in love with me.”