Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78357 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78357 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
“Awesome,” he said. He deposited the soldier and returned to the car. “And to think I just installed a home security system. Had I known these things were going to be protecting the neighborhood, I wouldn’t have bothered.”
After he placed the second soldier in its rightful spot, I said, “Well, thank you for the help.”
He rolled his eyes. “Maybe Santa Claus will be nice to me this year.”
For some reason, I felt like I should offer him something to say thanks. “Would you…like to come in for a glass of wine?” What am I doing?
He scratched his chin, looking down at his shoes. “Actually, I can’t. I have a virtual meeting for work in a few minutes.”
“Or it could be that you don’t want to fraternize with the overly jolly neighbor.” I chuckled, feeling dumb for asking him to come over. “What exactly do you hate so much about Christmas lights anyway?”
“Well, for one, it invites unnecessary attention. There’s a lot to be said for peace on the home front. I want to be able to walk around in my underwear without having to worry about someone peering in my window.”
“Christmas has to stop because you don’t want to wear pants?”
“Well, I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I moved to Santa’s Village.”
That made me crack up. “Fair enough. Anyway, thank you for the help.”
“No problem.” He nodded and headed back across the street.
I watched as he walked away, enjoying the view of his mighty fine backside, and imagined him prancing around in his underwear to the tune of “Jingle Bell Rock” coming from my front lawn.
Cole
All men manscape, right?
It was time for my once-a-month trimming. So I stripped off my clothes and stood in front of the bathroom mirror, taking some time to appreciate the results of the hard work I’d been putting in at the gym.
As I turned on the razor, I thought about my crazy neighbor Josie. I might’ve given her shit, but she was pretty damn cute. Too bad she reminded me of someone I wanted to forget, and that made me uneasy around her.
Josie. Trimming her tree across the street, while I was over here trimming the hedges around my cock.
Laughing inwardly, I’d just started to shave the first section when everything went black. The lights in the bathroom had gone out.
“What the fuck?”
I was pretty sure I’d shaved over something I hadn’t intended to. I turned off the razor and exited the bathroom, only to find that the lights in the entire rest of the house were out, too.
I looked out the window. The other houses on the street were also dark. Then it hit me: Josie. Today was the first evening of her lights display. It had nearly blinded me on my way back from having a drink with some friends. This was the first night of her holiday shenanigans, and suddenly all the power went out? There was no way those two things had nothing to do with each other.
I couldn’t see shit, but I made my way to my closet and grabbed what felt like a pair of jeans. I huffed and pulled them on before finding a shirt to throw over my head.
I carefully ventured downstairs and grabbed a flashlight from under the kitchen sink. Then I walked across the street to Josie’s. There didn’t seem to be anyone home at the other neighbors’ houses. They now had decorations out, but I hadn’t noticed their lights on earlier tonight. Clearly Josie had blown the entire street.
She was already standing in front of her house when I got there, as if she’d been expecting me.
Her hands were on her hips. “So…your wish came true,” she said. “Now not only are my lights out, but the whole street’s gone dark. Happy?”
She’s got to be kidding. She’s putting this on me? I shook my head. “Yeah. I’m thrilled. I love writing in the dark when I’m on deadline. I especially love when my laptop isn’t charged, and I have no way of even getting to my manuscript.” I shook my head. “Is this a common occurrence when you drain the neighborhood of power?”
“Don’t put this on me. It’s not my fault the lights went out. I blame your bad juju more than me using a little extra power.”
I scoffed. “A little extra power? That’s like saying the Kardashians are a little overexposed.” The woman had a full ice rink set up in her driveway with a half-dozen life-size skaters milling around to damn Christmas music—and that wasn’t a fraction of the shit she had going on.
“Maybe it was you who blew the power,” she countered. “I see you messing with saws and stuff in the garage sometimes. What power tool were you tinkering with today when the power blew?”
That almost made me laugh. I’d been messing with a power tool alright… I cleared my throat. “How long does this usually last?”