Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 89465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 447(@200wpm)___ 358(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 447(@200wpm)___ 358(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
I don’t know why I’m staring at the pictures posted online. I hate that I even searched his name before climbing out of bed this morning.
I shouldn’t be surprised. A lot of couples break up, sow a few wild oats then get back together, right?
It shouldn’t surprise me that Emily and Chase were photographed in a lip-lock. I recognize the underground parking area as the one in Detroit we used when he had his appointment with his divorce attorney.
The headlines scream about a reconciliation, but it’s the part debating whether he’ll stay in the city or bring Emily back to his small hometown that grabs most of my attention.
He told me he lied about us dating because his attorney urged him to do it, that he’d be seen as more stable if he was in a relationship. I have no doubt that was just another lie. He wanted to make her jealous. Emily showed up with her boyfriend, and Chase needed to one-up the man who betrayed him.
I was played. He used me to make her jealous not twenty-four hours after hiring me. I wouldn’t be surprised at this point if he hired me just to use me in front of her.
As much as I’d like to, however, I can’t blame him because I fell for it. It was my own hungry heart’s fault for falling into his trap. I got tangled too quickly. I let a little affection, kind touches, and tenderness convince me that what we shared was more than a little fun. It clearly meant nothing to him.
I was an itch to scratch. A payback because he couldn’t just take her back without having a little something on the side to even the score.
I feel as used now looking at the picture of them kissing as I did when he marked my skin with his cum. I feel degraded and humiliated, despite sitting alone in my car right now. My skin itches with the need for a shower, but I’ve stood under the flow of water numerous times now and I never feel cleaner.
I can’t stay in this town. I can’t face the people who I’ve known my entire life. Chase could’ve easily picked anyone else. He could’ve gone to the bar and flirted with an out-of-town guest. There’s no reason he should’ve singled me out, the girl who has lived next door to his parents her entire life.
This is worse than him simply forgetting about a dance. My face and my voice were last week’s news, and the article celebrating the happy couple’s reconciliation mentions me again, questioning whether I’ll fade quietly into the background or if I’m going to try and cause problems with the happy couple.
I’ve recently reacquainted myself with Adalynn after losing touch for a while, but I can’t even stay for her. She can come visit me wherever I end up. My parents will have to travel to me for holidays because there will be no living this down. I don’t know why I thought I might be able to stay after that vlogger heard me whispering my sexcapades with Chase in the bakery.
I hate that the man has got me wondering about my own sanity. I can’t stand the thought of him. I feel betrayed, but the logical side of me realizes that he stuck to the rules. He said from the very beginning we were having fun. He told me it wasn’t serious. I’m the one who read too much into the way he held me, the way he made me feel valued right up until he didn’t.
I broke the rules, and it seems a little narcissistic to blame him for that. But anger is hard to control when the heart is involved, and that’s just one more damn rule I broke. I should blame no one but myself, but it doesn’t make me hate him any less.
If only I didn’t begin loving those boys, this would be a million times easier. I feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself, as if I had my fairy tale for a short moment, only for reality to come slamming back in and reminding me that alone is what I’ll always be.
I slam my hands on the steering wheel, a growl erupting from my throat.
This pity party shit can’t keep happening. I’ve cried too much, lost too much sleep, all over a man who can so easily cast me aside.
I can’t let it continue to eat away at me. I can’t let one person dictate the rest of my life. I sit up straighter, as much as my exhausted muscles will let me, and take several calming breaths.
I had a plan when I had to crawl back home after what happened with Sam, so it doesn’t matter that Chase ruined Lindell for me. The goal was never to stay. I was here to lick my wounds and get right back out there and live my life to its fullest. That’s what I should be focusing on.