Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
My phone buzzed, making me frown. It wasn’t often anyone called or texted me. I pulled it out of my pocket. My brain started doing that thing it did when I tried to read, especially when I was anxious. The letters swam around, mixing up, but finally, I was able to make sense of them.
I’ve never seen you as sappy as you got over Olivia.
He texted. Holy Christ, I couldn’t believe he texted.
It took me longer than it should to type out a reply. This was fucking with my head. Part of me didn’t want to text him at all, didn’t want him to see if I spelled anything wrong, but I also didn’t want to pass up this chance. Joey was reaching out to me, and stupid as it was, I damn sure planned to hold on.
Don’t tell enyone. You will ruin my streat cred.
I damn near dropped my phone when it began to ring. His name popped up on the screen. That I knew. “Hello?”
“Sorry,” Joey said. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“Did I fuck it up that bad?”
“No, Gage. You didn’t. You did real good.”
It was so fucking ridiculous to feel pride in that, in him telling me I did okay writing just two short sentences, but I did. “It’s better now. I worked with someone when I was locked up. I mean, I’ll never be good. I’m still way below what I should be, but it’s better. I struggle more if I’m anxious, which is basically anytime it’s important.”
“We can… You probably don’t want to, and I’m sure you don’t need me for that, but we could read together again sometime. If you want. If not, that’s okay too. You’re fine the way you are.”
My heart stumbled, and I closed my eyes. I should be embarrassed, feel stupid, but I didn’t. I was…proud. Proud he said I was fine how I was, and that I did well, and so fucking happy he would read with me again, even though I hated books. Because it was us, the Jojo and Gage we’d been before, a little slice of the old us in this fucked-up reality we’d grown into.
“Thanks. That’d be cool. I can wow you with how far I’ve come.”
“So…what do you think of LA so far? Is it everything you thought it would be?”
I lay down on the bed, looking at the ceiling. “It’s getting better. And I like that it’s always sunny.”
We didn’t talk for long, maybe about twenty minutes, but in that time, I felt it, the tentative bridge we’d built between us, and tried not to let myself think of the storm that would inevitably destroy it.
Over the next two weeks, we went to the gym together four times a week. We always met at his place, where I parked, but never went up. Joey was always waiting for me outside, and we’d walk there together, exercise together, then walk back. He never invited me in. He never invited me anywhere else, and I never did with him either, but it was a start.
I always went, even if I was too tired, even if I didn’t feel like it…because I was, more tired lately. I was gardening more too. Sometimes with Darrel but mostly without. It had become my thing, and Darrel had given it to me. I enjoyed it, felt accomplished somehow.
With this new step Joey and I had taken, my nightmares increased—sometimes Herbert, sometimes that day when Joey came to visit me, when I told him I didn’t want him. Other times it was the night everything happened, but his father never died when I hit him. He always woke up, took out his anger on me, on Joey, killing him in front of me, leaving me alive to suffer.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Joey
Gage and I just kept doing what we were doing, which was basically going to the gym together and sometimes texting or talking before bed. I usually called because I didn’t want to put him in a situation where he felt uncomfortable or obligated to write. After my first thoughtless message, we only texted if he started it. He said it was good practice for him and something he wouldn’t want to do with anyone else.
I’d nearly needed my heart jump-started after that. It was us, of course; him saying something like that was Jojo and Gage, but that wasn’t who we were now. Still, he trusted me, gave me that intimate piece of him I knew made him feel vulnerable and raw.
He was safe with me, always would be, even if not long ago I thought I hated him. Gage would always be safe with me. And no matter what I told myself, I’d never truly hated him. That didn’t mean I knew how to let myself love him again, to unchain that emotion that was likely still there.