Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 124923 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 625(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 416(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 124923 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 625(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 416(@300wpm)
“So, are you going to tell me the real reason you’ve been avoiding me now?” Holden asks as I’m in the middle of pulling a big sleep shirt over my head. We gave it a few minutes, hoping Shayne would be fast asleep, before quietly sneaking into the bathroom to clean up. Now Holden’s lying in my bed like he owns it, asking questions I don’t know how to answer.
“I told you.” I slide my arms through the sleeves and pull the hem down past my butt. “Our time was up. If one of us didn’t cut it off, we would have never stopped.”
“And that’s a problem?”
“Yes,” I say without elaborating, my voice flat.
“Why?” He sits up, pulling me into the space between his legs, his hands on my waist. “What if I don’t want to stop?” It’s the second time he’s said something along those lines.
I sigh. “We can’t.”
“Is it because of Quinn? You know I didn’t touch her.”
I shake my head. “Even if you did, I’m not your girlfriend, Holden. We said no feelings, no commitments.”
“You’re telling me you wouldn’t care at all if I fucked someone else?”
“Nope,” I lie through my teeth.
“You’re a shit liar.”
I roll my eyes, knowing he can see through me. “Fine. It bothered me. Which is exactly why this is a problem.”
Understanding flashes in his eyes.
I sigh, dropping my head back. “Sex is one thing. But the picnic and the conservatory and the heated blanket and the candy and the sleepovers and the cuddling,” I ramble. “It’s making things all…muddled.” My heart pounds in my chest and my face feels hot with the admission. It’s the most honest and vulnerable I’ve allowed myself to be with him, and I hate the way it makes me feel. Holden, on the other hand, is biting back a smile.
“What is so funny?” I snap.
“Nothing. It’s adorable that you’re in love with me, that’s all.”
I bat his hands away, giving him a horrified look. “Who said anything about love?”
He laughs, grabbing me by the waist and tossing me onto the bed. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. You’re practically obsessed with me.”
“In your dreams.”
His hands are braced on either side of my head, his hips fitting in between my parted thighs. “We don’t have to complicate things. We can keep doing exactly what we’re doing. If you truly want to end it here and now, I’ll walk away. But only if that’s what you actually want.”
The thought of giving up nights like these and never having Holden sneak into my bed scares me more than the thought of falling for him and having it end in disaster. So, I guess I have my answer. “I don’t want to stop either.”
“Good, because I wasn’t really going to let you.” He drops a kiss to my lips. I return the kiss before pushing back on his shoulders.
“But it can’t be more than this.”
“Yeah, yeah. No feelings. No commitments. This means nothing.”
“Exactly.”
But as I curl up next to him under the heated blanket he bought me, eating the chocolate he picked out for me, with my head using his arm for a pillow while his fingers absently twirl the ends of my hair, I know we’re both liars.
Valen
It’s been a few weeks since Holden and I agreed to keep seeing each other, and the more time I spend with him, the more attached I feel myself get, despite my efforts to keep things surface level. Something in him has shifted, though. He seems exhausted, and not just because he’s practicing with his team almost every day now. I think not knowing what happened to Christian is fucking with his head more than he’ll admit. He hasn’t said it outright, but I know both him and Thayer are assuming the worst. That Samuel killed their cousin for turning him in to the police.
He’s not the only one fucked in the head. He consumes my thoughts far too often for something that’s supposed to be casual. Like right now, for example. My mother roped me into coming home for a family dinner, and all I can think about is what Holden’s doing back in Sawyer Point. He didn’t even tell me he was going home. Shayne mentioned it in passing when I told her I was going to my mom’s for the weekend.
“You grace us with your presence once a month if that,” my mother starts, pulling me from my thoughts. “The least you could do is engage us in conversation when you’re here.” The vibes are off tonight, and I felt it the moment I walked through the door. She’s already blitzed out of her mind, and Lawrence is particularly reserved. They must be fighting.
I feel a stab of guilt at her statement, passive-aggressive as it is. I want to look forward to seeing her. I want to love her like a child should. But every time I try, it just feels…fake. I sigh, dropping my fork to my plate and fold my hands on top of the table. “What would you like to talk about, Mother?”