Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 116254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Stop staring at his bed, you fucking idiot.
He forced his gaze back to the candles, then slid Kai a questioning look.
Kai’s smile was subtle. “I was doing tai chi.”
Breck eyed him blankly, his answer still not clarifying much. “Tai chi… Isn’t that some kinda drink?”
Kai’s lips twitched. “No, that would be chai tea.”
“Oh... Right.” It was official. Breck was a moron.
Kai’s smile spread a little wider. “Tai chi is a type of meditation. Specifically, meditation in motion. Helps to circulate chi—or life force—through the physical and energetic body. The candles create a calming effect.”
“Ah.” Breck nodded, sort of getting it. He’d ask Kai to elaborate on ‘life force’ later.
Kai led him into the living room. “Feel free to have a seat.”
“Um. No, thanks.” Breck pocketed his hands. Shifted his weight. He didn’t want to sit. In truth, he was too wound up to do so, anyway.
Kai tipped his head, then crossed his arms and soberly regarded him. “So… I take it you’ve got something to say?”
Breck nodded again, his heart thumping faster. “Yeah. I uh… I just wanted to say that… I really think you should give this another chance.”
“This?” Kai frowned, lifting a brow.
“You know… This thing between us. I mean, I know we got off to a rocky start, but—”
“Breck,” Kai curtly stopped him. “That’s not going to happen.” He glanced toward the door.
A cue that their discussion was over?
Breck’s heart clenched, a lump forming in his throat. “Just hear me out.” He lifted his palms in supplication. “Please.”
Kai’s jaw muscle ticked. He met Breck’s gaze. And God, did his expression look unsure. Guarded even. Those midnight eyes downright uneasy. He didn’t want to be disappointed.
In other words, he didn’t trust Breck not to let him down again.
And that look on his face said he didn’t believe Breck could say anything that would assuage that distrust.
It was officially time for the rubber to meet the road.
Swallowing, Breck gripped his nape, gave it a knead and then got to talking, hoping like hell his heartfelt petition would be enough. “It’s hard for me to open up, I know this. And I know I throw all kinds of fucked up vibes…. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking… Ever since that night when… you know… I wrecked my car.”
Kai nodded once but didn’t reply.
Breck cleared his throat. “And what I realized is that the reason I’ve been drinking is because I’ve been trying to escape. But not just situations like that party. I’ve been trying to escape this me and my fake fucking life. I understand this now, because when I’m with you? When I’m with you, I finally know how it feels to be real.
“But for the longest time, I didn’t want to acknowledge that. Which was the biggest effing brain fuck of my life. I mean, God, every time we’re together, you feel so fucking good to me, but my head’s been like, how could this possibly be good? You threaten my very existence—not to mention, upend everything I thought I knew about myself. I’m into guys, yeah, but not like I’m into you. And honestly, that scared me on a level I didn’t know how to deal with.
“So badly I wanted not to want you… and yet, at the same time, I couldn’t bear to stay away.”
Kai averted his gaze. “So, I’m your first real guy crush. That was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“No. It’s not like that. It’s different. I’m attracted to you more than I’ve ever been attracted to anyone. But it’s more than even that, Kai. You see who I really am. So when I’m with you, I can actually be me. And when I’m me, God, I’m finally free. Free to truly appreciate every aspect of the incredible man you are. And then, fuck, that energy between us just fucking explodes.”
Kai looked back at him.
Breck met his gaze. “This thing between us, this chemistry we create… We can’t just throw that away, Kai. We can’t. It’s once in a lifetime.”
Kai’s frown turned sad. “There’s gotta be more than just good chemistry, Breck.”
Breck furrowed his brow, his heart wrenching. “You act like that isn’t everything. But it is. It’s the whole fucking world. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. And I’m not even just talking about the sex—although just FYI, ours was the best fuck I’ve ever had. Not to mention those indescribable moments after. When you treated me with, God, such reverence. You acted like you cherished me. Not because I’m the king of the court, but because of the realness we’d just shared.”
Kai swallowed and rubbed his brow. “That… That was just aftercare. Something all Doms do for their subs.”
Breck stilled, his gut twisting. “So, what are you saying? That you didn’t feel it? That incredible fucking synergy we created that night?”