Total pages in book: 22
Estimated words: 21094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 105(@200wpm)___ 84(@250wpm)___ 70(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 105(@200wpm)___ 84(@250wpm)___ 70(@300wpm)
I completely bared my heart on those pages, and I hope the words make him happy. “Okay, well, I know your therapist will be calling soon. I’ll let you go.”
“Thank you, Jane.”
Softly, I whisper into the phone, “You’re welcome.”
There’s so much more I want to say to him, but I leave it at that.
We hang up, and I’m restless, so I jump out of bed to pace around the room. Grant could be reading my letters right now, and I’m part excited and part terrified. I have to keep reminding myself that it will all work out. It has to.
CHAPTER 10
GRANT
I’m about to open the book of letters when my phone rings. I’m expecting it to be my therapist and am surprised to see my old buddy Griffin Baine on the line. We’ve been on a few tours together, and he medically retired a few years back.
I force the cheerfulness into my voice. There’s no reason for everyone to know I’m literally falling apart right now. “Griffin! What’s up, brother?”
“My man. How’s it going, Grant? I heard you retired and thought I’d call you up to see what you’re into.”
I hold Jane’s book to my chest and sit on the edge of the bed. “I’ve been back less than a week, and I’m just trying to get used to civilian life. You know how it is.”
Griffin grunts into the phone. “Hell yeah, I know how it is. It was rough, man, but like you said, you’ve been home less than a week. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
“Yeah, I know, I know, you’re right.”
“So you got a job lined up? I could get you on here with some security detail. We could use a sharpshooter like you.”
I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling. There’s a part of me that wonders if Jane wouldn’t be better off with me across the US instead of here in her house. She says she’s in it for the long haul, the good and the bad, but I can’t help but wonder how bad it’s going to get. “Can I think about it?”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I feel guilty. It’s almost as if I’m betraying Jane by even thinking about this.
“Sure, no problem. Let me know, and I can put you in touch with the boss.”
“Sounds good. How about you? Any good cases lately?”
Griffin is a security guard for celebrities and high profile people and usually can’t talk about who he’s working with, but it never stops me from asking.
“You know I can’t talk about it.”
There’s a lull in the conversation, and I know better because Griffin is one of those guys that knows me really well. “Okay, so we got the niceties out of the way, tell me how you’re really doing.”
I open my mouth to say everything is okay, but instead I just huff out a big breath. I’m tired of keeping it all in and dealing with it on my own. “I’ve been having nightmares.”
“Hmmm,” he says.
“Yeah, they’re pretty bad, and Jane, uh, Jane tried to wake me up the other night and I had her by the throat… so yeah, things aren’t going that well.”
“Is she okay?”
Of course Griff is going to be concerned about Jane. That’s who he is, and I’m thankful for it. “Yeah, she’s really good actually. She’s not happy that I’ve locked her out of the bedroom, but physically, she’s okay.”
“Hmmm,” he says again, and I can’t help being frustrated.
“What? If you got something to say, just say it.”
“When did the nightmares start?”
I don’t even have to think about it. “The day I turned in my retirement papers.”
“Do you regret retiring?”
I try to hold back a laugh. “Not even a little bit.”
“Okay, since you got home, are the nightmares worse? More frequent?”
“What the hell, Griff? Did you get a degree in social work or some shit? What’s with all the—”
He cuts me off. “Just answer the damn questions.”
“No, they’re not worse. I’m actually having them less since I got home, but I’m not sleeping well because I’m worried I’ll have one. I’m thinking I need to leave… that’s the only way I’ll know for sure that Jane is safe.”
“Fuck, you’re a dumbass, you know that, right, Grant?”
I’m not the least bit offended because this last week I haven’t felt very smart. “Whatever, man, you got some advice or what?”
“You’ve loved this chick—”
“Hey.” I grunt at him.
“Right? You’ve loved Jane for seven years now, and you were bursting at the seams to get home to her. Of course, with all the changes and uncertainties, you’ve got a lot of shit going on. Give yourself some time. You definitely shouldn’t leave the wife you just got home to. That would be asinine.”
I lay the book of Jane’s letters in my lap and trace the leather binding with my finger. “What if I hurt her?”