Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 94639 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94639 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
“I just… I can’t do this, Landon.” I choke on my sobs. “I thought I could, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”
He sighs into the phone. “Fuck, Harp… I don’t know what to say or do. I want to hang up the phone and get on the first flight that will take me straight to you.” He sniffles into the phone. “Tell me what I can do to make this better, easier, and I will.” And I know he means that. Landon would do whatever it took to make sure I’m happy. But what I need, he can’t give me. Not without sacrificing his own future. And I would never let him do that.
“There’s nothing you can do. I’m sorry. I love you and I don’t want to lose you, but I have to let you go.” Fat tears race down my cheeks, soaking the top of my shirt. I try to swipe them away, wanting to remain strong, but my heart is aching, even if this is my own doing. All the times Richie and I broke up, I never felt an ounce of the pain I’m feeling right now. It’s as if my heart has been ripped from my chest and is being stomped on.
“I wish things were different,” Landon says softly, hurt woven through his every word. “But I know you’re right. It’s your senior year. You should be out having fun, not waiting for our video chats.”
“It’s not about that,” I assure him.
“You don’t have to explain, baby. I get it. It hurts, but I get it. I promised you, that if we gave it a chance and it wasn’t working, I would let you go, so we could stay friends. Just promise me two things.”
“Anything,” I say, choking back another sob.
“First, we stay friends. I can’t lose you completely, Harper. Even if it means I have to hear about all the boys who will be chasing you once they find out you’re single.”
The sob I was trying to hold in escapes. “Nobody is going to be chasing me, but of course I still want to be friends. What’s the other thing?”
“If one day I make it back to Boston and you’re single, promise me you’ll give us another chance. I refuse to believe this is the end of us, Harper.”
With his words, the tears fall harder as sobs rack my entire body. “I promise, Landon.”
“I love you, Harper, so damn much.”
“I love you, too.”
When I get to school the next day, my eyes are puffy and my cheeks are flushed from the hours I spent crying. As soon as Angela sees me, she envelops me in a hug and I lose it again. I cry on her shoulder until the bell rings and we both have to go to class.
Later, Melissa texts me that Angela told her Landon and I broke up. I groan inside, knowing that means Melissa’s probably already told the entire town. She texts that we should go out, so I can move forward, but I reply back I’m not ready. I can’t imagine when I’ll ever be ready to move on from Landon. In the short time I had with him, he became my world, my safe place, and even though we’ve agreed to remain friends, it doesn’t feel the same.
As I’m lying in bed, reading Eclipse since the next movie won’t be out for a while, my phone rings. It’s Landon.
“Hey,” I say nervously, wondering how our first post-breakup conversation is going to go.
“Hey,” he says back.
“How was practice?”
“Good.”
“Good.”
After that, we both sit on the phone for several minutes, neither of us saying a word. I was afraid this would happen. Terrified. We both still love each other, but we’re not together. We don’t know how to go back to being friends. Our hearts are broken and we both need time to heal.
“Landon,” I breathe out at the same time he says my name.
“You go first,” he says.
“I think maybe…”
“Don’t say it, Harp, please,” he pleads. “Don’t tell me not to call or text you.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I cry. “My heart… it hurts. I miss you.” I clutch my hand to my chest. I used to think when one would say they were heartbroken, it was nothing more than an analogy made up to express the level of hurt one can feel. But now that I’m going through it, I know firsthand, it’s not just an analogy. My heart actually physically aches. It’s hard to catch my breath, to function. It hurts so bad I wish I could reach into my chest and pull my heart out so I wouldn’t have to feel it any longer.
“I’ll come home,” he says. “Say the word and I’ll quit.”
“Landon…” I love him for even suggesting that, but there’s no way I would ever ask that of him.