Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 79932 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79932 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
I fastened him with a glare that screamed he knew better.
“Then tell her.”
“Tell her what?” I snapped. “Tell her that I never wanted her to question herself in my world? Tell her that I'm having a hard time breathing when she's not around? Tell her that I don't care who her parents are or how many times they try to crash our events, I just want her with me? Every time I reach out, she tells me to give her space. And that tells me everything I need to know. She doesn't feel the same way about me as I do her. If she did, she wouldn't have bailed.”
“Did it ever occur to you that she bailed because she didn't want her family to continue to bring you down?” Daisy asked, inserting herself into the conversation from where she sat with the other girls behind us.
“That's ridiculous,” I said.
“Is it?” Daisy challenged. “What would you do if you felt like you were putting her in positions to be publicly embarrassed or at the very least, situations that create emotional danger? Would you continue to be around her? Would you continue to let your environment hurt her?”
“I...” I couldn't answer that question, not honestly. Because I would do anything to keep her from hurting.
Was that what she was doing?
Did she think that by keeping her distance from me, her parents would leave me alone?
Did she honestly think that I would care?
I replayed the after aftermath of the scene at the hospital, my memory serving me with a crystal-clear vent-session on my end. One that could easily be interpreted the wrong way. One that could make the scene look like it affected me more than it should have.
Damn.
“Either way,” Asher said when I’d been quiet too long. “You won't know until you have an honest conversation with her. She needs to know the stakes.”
“And what if I tell her? What if I tell her everything I've told you guys, and she laughs in my face?”
“Then she laughs in your face,” Gareth said. “And you move on.”
I studied my friend, noting the way he kept glancing over his shoulder as if he expected Serenity to come back any moment. It looked like not knowing if she was okay was driving him nuts.
“So, you're saying that it's worth it? The possibility of getting rejected just to know?”
“Yes,” Asher, Weston, and Ethan said at the same time.
“I'm pretty sure you said something similar to me,” Ethan added. “When I was floundering.”
“I'm not floundering. I'm drowning,” I admitted.
“Then fight,” Asher said. “If you tell her everything, and she tells you that she needs space, then you respect it. But at least then you'll know that you did everything you could.”
I nodded, the advice of my friends sinking in. Even if she did reject me, I guess a final break would be better than the constant agonizing.
“I’m done with cards,” I said, shoving away from the table.
“I think we’re all done,” Asher said.
“Want to go get a drink?” Ethan asked.
There was a collective nod.
As much as I wanted to call Aspen and beg for some time to talk, it was already late in the evening, and the last thing I wanted her to think was that I was hoping for some late-night action.
I’d call her tomorrow, and hope that she’d give me the time I needed to lay my heart on the line.
CHAPTER 19
Aspen
For the longest time I'd prided myself on being a survivor. Therapy had helped me learn that my survival instincts ran deep, and that there was nothing I couldn't overcome. But somehow, these last two weeks had felt like hell. I'd never experienced heartbreak like this before, never experienced this kind of longing before, and I had been unable to snap myself out of the wallowing cycle.
Crossland had not only tried to reach out, but he’d tried to pay me for the contract. And while I still needed the money, I didn't want it. Not from him. Because our time together didn't really feel like a business transaction. It felt more like the best time I'd ever had in my life.
A time I'd never been happier.
I’d told him I needed space, and that was absolutely true.
But now that I'd taken that time, I felt like I might have blown it.
He hadn't reached out in days, and I’d stayed away from the news and social media outlets, terrified that I’d see him with somebody else. Even with a city as big as New York, I was scared of running into him while he was dating somebody new.
Sure, it had only been two weeks, but the Crossland before me? He barely waited two days before moving on to the next partner. And while I knew he was a good man, I couldn’t blame him if he did move on.