Total pages in book: 144
Estimated words: 130761 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 654(@200wpm)___ 523(@250wpm)___ 436(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130761 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 654(@200wpm)___ 523(@250wpm)___ 436(@300wpm)
Sudden sadness hit me for what I had put Lilah through. “Yes.”
Lilah’s shoulders relaxed. “And you are with AK?”
“Yes,” I said again. Lilah studied my face. I saw more questions coming my way, but I had to tell her what I came here to say before I lost the courage. “Lilah,” I said. “I . . . I must explain something to you.” I laughed without mirth, knowing the pain I suffered was about to rise once more. “About me, and why I did what I did . . . why I drowned out my sorrows. About things that have happened in my life that you do not know. That I want you to know.”
“Okay,” Lilah said quietly. I heard the subtle edge of nerves in her voice. “Come over here.” She led me to the chairs on the lawn.
Her hand never left mine, a quiet support. And, with a deep breath, I told her everything.
“Phebe . . .” Lilah said sadly when I finished talking. Tears were streaming down her face. “Where is she? Your Sapphira?”
“I do not know.” I lowered my head. “But I dream of her often. I see her in my mind’s eye each day. She is always with me, yet so far away at the same time.” I frowned. “Last night I dreamed she was begging me for help. She was hurt and afraid and needed me. I dreamed . . .” I turned my head away to escape Lilah’s stare. Lilah’s hand squeezed mine. “She called me ‘Mother.’” I laughed through my tears. “Finally, Lilah. She called me ‘Mother.’”
“Phebe . . .” Lilah whispered in sympathy.
“But she does not even know. She believes I am her sister.” I paused. “But I cannot get this dream from my head. Dreams fade, become a forgotten memory. This one grows stronger by the minute.”
“Beauty always says one must listen to their dreams, as there is a message somewhere within them. One which we must listen to. Decipher.”
“Beauty?” I asked.
“The old lady of one of the brothers, Tank. You will meet her eventually. She is a sweet woman.” I nodded, absently listening to her explanation. But my mind was too preoccupied with what this Beauty said of dreams. That dreams were a message about something.
I thought of Sapphira begging me for help. The potion, her hand in mine, her pleading with me to remember . . . trying to find the deeper meaning.
“Mama?” Grace’s cautious voice came from the doorway. “I have read four books. Can I come see Aunt Phebe now?”
I laughed at how tenacious Grace was. Even in New Zion she had been pushier than other girls. Pushy and beautiful, but her nature muted by the repression we found ourselves in. If Cain had not gotten her out when he did, she would have been deemed a cursed and thus schooled—sexually—by an elder . . . an innocent child, only eight years of age. I thanked God every day that I had hidden her well enough. That she had not fallen into Meister’s arms either. He had always watched her closely. Like he craved her. Like he . . .
Ice trickled down my spine. It made me remember something . . . something important . . .
Lilah sighed, then looked at me for an answer to Grace’s question. “Of course!” I shouted loud enough for Grace to hear, as whatever bit of information was rising to the surface of my mind slipped away again. Grace sprang from the deck and ran to where we stood. She put her hand in mine and pulled me from my chair.
“You know what hide-and-seek is, Aunt Phebe?”
“Yes,” I said with an indulgent smile.
“We get to go into the woods!”
“Not too far, only where I can see you,” Lilah butted in.
“I’ll go hide first.” Grace turned me around. “You count to sixty then come and get me.”
I heard her running away and began to count. “I know you feel guilty about what happened to me on Perdition Hill,” Lilah said, interrupting my counting. “But you must know what you did for me by bringing Grace into my life. I know you are burdened with guilt. But you gave Ky and me Grace. Nothing else matters beyond that now . . . you made us a family.” Lilah came to stand before me. I stared at her scar and tried not to disagree. Her hand pressed against my cheek. “You would have been a great mother given the chance. You always loved me and cared for me as a child. And Grace adores you, talks of how you cared for her in New Zion when no one else did.” I sucked on my lip to hide the trembling. “And when we find Sapphira again, because the Hangmen will find her, you will get that chance to tell her who you are, that you love her. And she will be the luckiest girl in the world, because she will have you.”