Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 77874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Rhett flinches as if I’ve hurt him, but I’m not sure how I could have. The two of them have always been in some kind of Swift brothers’ club I’ve never been invited to. They’re the sons Dad cares about. And they’ve always cared more about fighting each other than about me. The only place I’ve never been an outsider was with Ella.
“I’m just trying to help,” Rhett tells me again.
“How many times do I have to say I don’t need your help?” I’m sorry. I’m broken. I’m not worth it. I don’t know how to be any other way.
Rhett sighs, looks down, shoulders suddenly looking like he’s carrying the weight of the world on them. Without another word, he turns and walks back toward the house.
El? I say, in my head this time. I talk to her this way too, but now she doesn’t reply, doesn’t come back, leaving me feeling even more alone than usual.
It’s more than an hour later when I return to the house. As soon as I step inside, I hear Dad. “He’s a loser! I’m done with that kid. I should have sent him away a long time ago. He’s a disgrace to the family name.”
With each word, I sink into myself more and more, hide anything positive or hopeful that might linger inside me, buried deep and unreachable.
“He’s hurting. Maybe we should try and get him some help,” Rhett tells him.
“Now you sound like Morgan. All about feelings and emotions. I thought you were better than that, Rhett. We all lost the same things, and none of us act like Easton. He’s been different from the start. There’s something wrong with him.”
I leave before I can hear anything else because the truth is, he’s right. They don’t even know my worst secret, yet Dad already knows I’m not worth it.
I stay out late, get drunk, and stumble onto the porch at God knows what time.
Morgan shoves out of the house, bag in hand, almost tripping over me as I lie by the stairs. The porch light is bright. There seem to be two Morgans, and both are bruised and beaten up.
“Shit, East. There you are. I was looking for you.”
“You’re leaving already?” I can’t take my eyes off his bag. Morgan hates it here as much as I do—the difference being that I would hate it everywhere and he won’t—but him leaving wasn’t supposed to happen for a few more weeks.
“I can’t fucking do this anymore. I… Rhett…”
“What about Dusty?” The two idiots are in love with each other. I’m pretty sure Dusty realizes it, but Morgan doesn’t. Or he won’t let himself because he knows loving Dusty means staying in Birchbark.
“Fuck Dusty. Fuck Rhett. I don’t give a shit about either of them. I can’t wait to get the hell out of here and never look back.”
What about me?
“Jesus, East. Are you drunk?” Morgan kneels beside me, tries to reach out and touch my face, but I pull away.
“I thought you were going?”
“What happened to you today?” He looks at my hands, which means he must not have talked to Dad or Rhett. They didn’t tell him I fucked up again.
“The same thing that happened to your face.”
He’s trying to help. Rhett was too, earlier.
El?
Let them help you, East. They love you. They’re not like him.
If they do love me, they shouldn’t.
They’re our brothers. Let them in. I don’t want you to be alone.
I’m not alone. I have you.
“East? Are you okay?” Morgan’s voice is sharp, panicked, pulling me out of my conversation with Ella. From the way he’s looking at me, I can tell he realized I was lost in myself, that I didn’t notice him talking to me. If he knew why… They would lock me away. No one would understand.
“What happened to your face?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“Come on. Let’s get you in the house. I’ll help you into bed before I go.”
I shake my head, fold in on myself. Bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
Take me with you, take me with you, take me with you.
“Hey, East. Talk to me. What’s wrong? I know I haven’t always been the best brother. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’m here for you. I love you, and you can always come to me with anything.”
I want to, want to go to him, to Rhett, but I can’t. I don’t know how to let anyone in.
“I’m fine. Get the fuck out of here, Morg, while you still can.” At least one of us should get out, get away.
I stand and walk into the house.
“Easton!” Morgan calls after me, but I keep going, hear Rhett arrive, and the two of them start shouting at each other. I don’t hear the words, just the muffled anger, and know that they’ve disappeared into their anger, forgetting about me, like they always do.