Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 77874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
He snaps his head toward my hand, and for a moment I think he’s mad, but he playfully bites my finger. A laugh tumbles out of my mouth, and then he lets my finger go and does the same. Easton laughing is a beautiful thing, throaty and sexy and filled with a kind of joy he deserves more of. And though I know he did it to change the subject about him being a good man, I still count it as a win. He heard me, and that matters, and he’s being playful with me, which matters too.
“We’re having a get-together at my parents’ house next weekend. Cora and her wife will be there. Simone’s pregnant—not sure if you know that. It’ll be fun. I’d like you there with me.”
He doesn’t say no, just leans back in the chair. “Won’t they wonder why I’m there?”
“I don’t care if they do. I’ll tell them you’re mine if you let me.” Because he is mine. There’s no denying that for me. I probably knew it that first night I found him in the woods. I can’t say if there will be any consequences, but I don’t care if there are. Cora’s right. That’s not how I work. “But if you want them to think we’re just friends, we can play it that way too. It’s always up to you, East.”
“Arch…they won’t think I’m good enough for you.” I hear his unspoken words, that he doesn’t think so either.
“They won’t think that. They’ll love you.”
“How can that be true? They know all the shit I’ve done. It’s not a secret in Birchbark that I’m a fuckup.”
“You’re not.” I turn my chair, then pull his closer so he’s between my spread legs. “You’re not,” I reiterate. “And I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I know you might not be ready, but I want to be with you, East. For real and officially. I want everyone to know you’re mine.” I want East. I care about him.
He closes his eyes, takes a moment to himself.
“Let me in. Let me know what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“Would you still want to be with me if you knew I talk to my dead sister? That I hear her voice in my head? That most of the good shit I do is because she tells me to?”
My heart drops. This…could be big. I have no idea what it means, but the thought of hallucinations scares me. So many things make sense now—how he was talking to himself in the woods, the way he gets lost in his head. Is he having full-on conversations with her? “Do you see her?”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m not hallucinating, if that’s what you’re thinking. I know she’s dead. I know she’s not really there. I just…need her. And I know that’s fucked up, but I can’t figure out how to be without her. She’s all I have.”
This time, my heart breaks, just shatters into a million damn pieces, East’s name on every shard. “I can’t take her place, East, but you have me.” Who knows if that’s the right thing to say. What are you supposed to do when you find out a person talks to someone who isn’t there? I worry I’m in over my head, afraid that I’m going to do something wrong and East will suffer. But I can’t walk away either, and I don’t want to. “You have me, and I’m not going anywhere. Come to my parents’ house with me. I want you there.” I emphasize the last part so he knows that what he said doesn’t change anything for me. “They’ll want you there too.”
He sighs but nods in agreement. “Tell them we’re friends.”
I try not to let my disappointment show. “Okay. We can do that. Now come on. We can finish this later. I want to take you to bed.”
We let the dogs out again before heading upstairs. I fuck East, then push my fingers inside him, loving the feel of his cummy hole.
For the first time, he falls asleep before I do. I ease my fingers out of him, sneak into the bathroom, and wash my hands.
I don’t get any sleep, just lie in bed and watch him, knowing I’m in love with him. I was fooling myself to think this wouldn’t happen, never would have gone to talk to Cora about him if I wasn’t already falling. And my sister’s right: if work has an issue with it, would I really let that hold me back from someone I love? A job can’t hold me at night.
Still, I can’t help wondering if I’m enough for him, or if somehow, I’m going to hurt him even more than he already is.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Easton
It’s been a few days since I agreed to go to Archer’s parents’ house with him. He’s been coming to my place every day after work and sleeping over. He fucks me and fingers me and…talks to me. Makes me laugh. Plays with my dogs. Does puzzles with me. I keep watching him, looking at him for signs that he wishes he were somewhere else or that he’s getting tired of me, that he thinks something is wrong with me because of what I told him about El. Signs that he wishes he hadn’t asked me to hang out with his family. But no matter how hard I watch him, I don’t see any.