Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 77874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
When I try to roll off him, he says, “Don’t take them out yet.”
I kiss his cheek, his temple, help maneuver him so he faces me, both of us on our sides, one of his legs hooked over my hip, my fingers buried in his ass. “I’m not. I’m not going anywhere.”
His eyes drift closed, a soft smile on his lips.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Easton
“Ella? Ella?” I say my sister’s name into the room. Is it a room? I don’t think so… I think it’s my head. Like somehow, I’m inside my brain, all these doors around me, and I can’t find Ella.
I run to the first and pull it open. “El?” I shout into the empty space, but she’s not there. My heart stops. My stomach cramps. Door after door after door, each room is empty. No matter how many times I say her name, she doesn’t answer.
There’s a flash, a blinding light, and suddenly, I’m not adult me anymore. I’m nine years old and begging Morgan to play hide-and-seek with us.
“I don’t feel like it.”
“Please? We’re bored. There’s no one to play with.”
“Because of course, Rhett isn’t here,” Morgan says. Dad and Rhett are always off doing something. Dad is super excited that Rhett is going to Harvard like him, and that means Morgan will have to stay because of me and Ella. I could take care of us if they’d let me. That way Morgan wouldn’t have to. “Never mind. It’s fine.”
“Shit,” he curses. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. Yeah, fine. I’ll play with you.”
I’m about to tell him he doesn’t have to, but Ella says, “Yay!”
“I’m gonna count from here. Go hide,” Morgan says.
I take Ella’s hand, the two of us running for the stairs. I’m so lucky to have her. Rhett and Morgan fight so much, but not me and Ella. We’re the same in almost everything. She’s my other half, like it would be impossible to be an East without an Ella. When I get sad about how Dad is mean to me or doesn’t talk to me, it’s Ella who always makes me feel better.
“I don’t know where to hide,” Ella says as soon as we get downstairs. I want to find the best spot for her. I like it when she wins things. It makes me feel good.
“Ooh! I know. You can lie down in the boat tied to the dock. Morgan will never think to look there!”
She beams at me, blue eyes just like mine. “Okay!”
I run out to our dock on Birchbark Lake. It’s right behind our house. We’ve spent our whole lives in the water here.
I hold El’s hand while she gets inside, then wait while she lies down. “Thanks, East. You’re the best. I love you.”
“I love you too.” More than anything. More than myself. I know the stories, how much Mom wanted her. She’d always wanted a daughter, and though El didn’t get to know her either, somehow having my sister feels like having a part of Mom.
I run to the boathouse and hide inside. I wait to hear Morgan come looking. We always hide here, so I know he’ll find me, but he doesn’t come. Why isn’t he coming?
It feels like an eternity, and I wait, ready for him to find me and then be impressed with Ella’s hiding spot.
Minute after minute goes by…too many. No way Morgan wouldn’t have found me yet.
I take one step toward the door, and suddenly black flashes in my vision. My stomach seizes, and my chest feels tight, too tight. I suck in a sharp breath, but I can’t get air into my lungs. Why can’t I breathe?
I stumble and fall, trying and failing to pull air into my lugs. My vision swims, stomach heaving like I’m going to throw up…
Ella.
No, no, no, no. I push to my feet, stumble again. I’m dizzy, keep almost falling off my feet as I look out at the water.
The boat is tipped over, and in that second, my heart breaks. Stops beating, and I know, feel the loss of myself as it happens, as I break apart, all the important parts of me drifting away onto the wind.
“Ella!” I scream and run toward the water, just as Morgan comes bolting out of the house.
“Easton! What’s wrong? Where’s Ella?”
Gone. She’s gone.
I’m gone.
Who am I without her?
“Ella! No!” I run and jump into the water, black all around me as I try to find her. Ella! Where are you? Please don’t go! Not without me! I say over and over in my head.
There’s a splash, and I know it’s Morgan. He tries to grab me, but I fight him off, my brother pulling me to the surface.
“Stop fighting me!” he shouts.
“Ella! Ella! Ella!” I try and jerk out of Morgan’s hold, try to get away from him and find her.