Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 89772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 449(@200wpm)___ 359(@250wpm)___ 299(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 449(@200wpm)___ 359(@250wpm)___ 299(@300wpm)
Once I reached the end of the pathway, I stood front and center in the church and bowed my head in respect. The last time I was here, my mother was laid to rest. The images of her lifeless body had stayed with me ever since. I could still see her lying in an elegant red mahogany coffin beside the podium. Until Lexi came into my life, my mother’s dead body was the only thing I saw in my mind for a long time.
A daily blow to my conscience.
I was mentally and physically spent, moving purely on autopilot. If I stopped to rest, I wouldn’t be able to get back up again. Since Adriana was taken, I barely slept more than an hour or two each night. Every second counted in order for her to make it out alive. This wasn’t the first time I was experiencing the loss of a woman in my family. Martinez women died in my world. It was why I sheltered her with every breath in my body. Praying it’d never come to this, knowing in the back of my mind it eventually would.
Fate was vindictive like that.
“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,” I whispered, gesturing the sign of the cross on my forehead and chest before making my way toward the confessional booth.
In a few strides, I was opening the door and stepping inside the dark wood cabinet. Carefully shutting the door behind me and taking a seat on the bench.
The priest greeted from the shadows, “Good evening, my son,” on the other side of the screen.
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been over six decades since my last confession.”
I couldn’t believe I remembered what to say. My sins buried me alive a long time ago. What was even more shocking was I didn’t rupture into flames as soon as I passed the threshold of the cathedral. The devil was an angel once, and maybe that was my saving grace.
“Proceed, my son.”
I scoffed out, “I’m ashamed of who I am and what I’ve stood for since the day I killed for my family. My sister. Amari. Father, I am not a good man. For most of my life, I’ve done nothing right and everything wrong. I was born into a world where I was worth more dead than alive. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, seen things I can’t un-see, caused pain I can’t undo. Right or wrong never mattered until I met my wife. I gave up everything for her.”
“Proceed.”
“The first time I murdered a man, I was fourteen-years-old, and I haven’t stopped since.”
I didn’t need to see the priest’s face to know he was taken back by what I admitted. The truth be told, it was only the beginning.
“By the time I was eighteen, I’d murdered more men than I’d forgiven. Some deserved it, others didn’t. Justice was always brought on by my hand. Forgiveness isn’t part of my world. I can’t even forgive myself for the heinous acts I’ve committed. I belong in Hell, for this life and the next. I’ve tried, Father. For over two decades, I was an honest man. Being a good father and husband was all that mattered to me until my daughter was taken. It was so easy to fall back into what came naturally from the very beginning of my corrupt existence. I was brought into this life to follow in the footsteps of the men before me. Except…” I paused, gathering my memories.
The reality of the man I’d always been.
“I didn’t want to follow orders, so I made sure I didn’t have to. I eliminated the men who tried to cross me and take my place as leader of this depravity. I was the wolf, or I was the sheep, making sure I stayed alpha so people would have to bow at my feet. If they refused, they paid for it with a bullet to their head or their heart. There are no boundaries of what I’m capable of, Father. I’ve killed for the sake of killing. To stay on top. Innocent or guilty, none of that mattered. I have no decency, it was kill or be killed, and I always chose the first one.”
I leaned over, setting my elbows on my knees. The weight of my demons dragging me deeper into perdition.
“I’m eighty years old and I’ve cheated death so many times, I’ve lost count. Until I quickly realized, death would be too kind for the likes of me. Staying alive, living with the lost souls I’ve taken is my punishment for the sins I’ve committed. My Hell is on this earth, Father.”
Lighting crashed above my head, stirring the hair on my arms to stand at attention, and a shiver to course down my spine.