Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
“No, we didn’t. And no, it’s … not that.” I’m supposed to be an actor. I lie for a living. But I’m totally unconvincing.
Mason snorts. “Still comfortable in your heterosexuality, then?”
I flip him off. “Fine. I was wrong, and you all were right. Jordan’s …”
“Hot,” Ryder and Harley say together.
“That’s a given. He was a model,” I point out. “But there’s something about him that’s …” Wordless. “Is there a word for someone who’s both charismatic and broken but somehow still likable? He acts shallow, but he’s so much deeper than he lets people see. He’s a phenomenal actor and can summon all this emotional shit onscreen, but then off it, he tries to act like nothing can get to him and nothing bothers him, but I can tell that it’s only because he doesn’t let himself feel those things. It’s like he’s numb to everything in real life and saves it all for the camera.”
Four pairs of eyes blink at me.
“What? Why are you all staring at me like that?”
“A-are you falling for him?” Mason asks.
Is it that obvious? “No?” Why did my voice pitch at the end like I was asking a question?
“Who knew Ryder was right all this time?” Denver says.
“Thank you! Of course I am.” Ryder cocks his head. “But, uh, about what?”
Denver smiles. “Sexuality being on an ever-moving spectrum. When I started having feelings for Mason, I thought I was, like, mostly straight? That I was maybe a one on the Kinsey scale, but I never really allowed myself to look at other men. It’s only been since being with Mason that I can look at other guys and freely find them attractive, so now I’d consider myself a two or a three.”
“I’m still a one,” Mason says and kisses Denver’s cheek. “You’re the only one for me.”
“For now,” Denver says.
“No, forever.” Mason glances around the room. “I, uh, wasn’t going to do this here, or in front of these losers, but come to think of it, I can’t think of a more fitting way. We fell in love while touring with these guys. It only makes sense for them to be here for this.” Mason slinks off the couch and onto his knees. “Denny … My Denny.”
Denver’s mouth drops, but no noise comes out.
Mason reaches into his pocket and pulls out a platinum ring. “I lived without you once, and I never want to do that again. No matter what we do, where our careers take us, what happens in the future, I don’t want to do it without you.”
Denver squeaks, and I try to hold back a chuckle.
“Marry me?” Mason asks.
“But you … and … I …” Denver’s mouth slams shut, and he stares at the ring. “You said you never wanted to be engaged ever again.”
Mason doesn’t miss a beat. “That was before I knew what true love is really like.”
“Shit, yes, I’ll marry you,” Denver says. “Fuck, when we retell this story, we’ll leave the swearing out.”
“I love you,” Mason says.
“I love you too.” Denver launches himself at Mason, and they kiss and practically dry hump each other on the floor.
“That’s something I don’t need to see,” Harley says.
“Agreed.” I stand. “Let’s, uh, let them celebrate.”
They wave us off without breaking apart.
Harley, Ryder, and I go into Denver’s formal dining room and sit around the white glass table that looks like a bubble. The chairs are uncomfortable but not more uncomfortable than watching your bandmates fuck. An electric chair would be more comfortable than seeing that.
And yes, I’m being dramatic.
Probably because while I’m happy for Mason and Denver, I can’t help acknowledging the jealousy growing inside me.
It’s hard to tell which part I’m jealous of. The marriage? I’ve never contemplated it. Like Jordan, that’s one thing I’ve never considered while being in Hollywood. But maybe, just maybe, I see the other guys of Eleven settling down and I’m beginning to want it for myself.
I want to know what it feels like to have that someone you share everything with.
“So, you and Jordan, huh?” Harley says. “At least you’ve already got a jump start on the coming out part.”
With the proposal and everything, I’m starting to feel stupid about my fling with Jordan. He says he’s giving us a real shot, and the comments have stopped, but is he? What if I’m putting myself out there for someone who actually doesn’t see me as a long-term option. Not because he thinks I’ll walk away, but that maybe he will?
I need to change the subject before I blurt all my insecurities over these guys. “Are we really going to talk about me and Jordan when that”—I point to the living room next door—“is going on?”
Harley shrugs. “Walls are thick. I can’t hear them. In my mind, they’ve stopped kissing and are playing a game of chess. Because they’re like brothers to me, and if they’re brothers, then that’s all kinds of messed up.”