Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 55550 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 278(@200wpm)___ 222(@250wpm)___ 185(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55550 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 278(@200wpm)___ 222(@250wpm)___ 185(@300wpm)
Or maybe we weren’t, and I was just too naïve to realize what was happening between us.
Those days, back when we were tweens becoming teens, were so simple. We had zero expectations of each other but always showed up for one another. By the time I was sixteen, he was the only one I wanted to hang out with. Wade Jenkins knows everything about me and there isn’t a doubt in my mind he knew I was lying when I asked him that ridiculous question earlier.
I groan and tap my head lightly on the glass door. “What is wrong with me?”
“Well,” Leslie says as she comes to stand next to me. “The list is long, but it starts with how you never got over Wade.”
“That’s not true.”
Leslie’s eyebrow pops up, questioning me. “Name one man or woman you’ve fallen in love with since you and Wade broke up.”
There are none.
“I’ve been busy,” I tell her. “I had to finish my teaching degree and then get my masters. That’s a lot of studying.”
“That’s nothing but excuses, Lemon. And you know it. There have been countless men asking you out on dates. Each time, you’ve turned them down. I even tried to set you up with Matt’s cousin at my wedding, but you were disinterested. Why? Because you’re either still in love with Wade or you need closure. Right now, closure would be easier, so talk to him. Get this shit off your chest so you can move on.”
She’s right.
“With Matt’s cousin?” I ask without looking at her.
“Nope, he got married last year.”
Of course he did.
I feel a headache coming on and tell Leslie I’ll see her in the morning. She pulls me into her arms, hugging me for what feels like an hour.
“Everything will be fine,” she says as she releases me.
I’m grateful for her and our friendship. I’m not sure where I’d be without her, and I’m even more appreciative of her work-from-home job. Because of it, Leslie’s free to do whatever the hell she wants and can cater to my neurotic behavior at the drop of a hat. Although, while she enjoys working from home, it’s not for me. I can’t imagine staring at the same wall, day in and day out. At least with my job, I can see the many faces of my students and staff, go outside whenever I want, and travel. There is also always some seminar, continuing education classes, or a symposium I have to attend.
As soon as I’m buried under my blankets, I stare at the ceiling. What’s left of the sunlight peaks through the slight opening in my curtains and casts rays above me. I hate that everything now makes me think of Wade and the life we had or should’ve had.
Back then, life was simple, or we made it seem simple. In high school, we were the “it” couple. The ones who won junior and senior prom king and queen. The ones everyone wanted to hang out with. The ones everyone thought would make it ‘til the end.
Maybe we would’ve if I hadn’t asked for a break.
I didn’t know a break meant forever. I thought we’d take a few days, reassess our priorities, and figure out why we weren’t connecting. Was it him? Or me? Both of us? Whatever it was, it was enough for me to need a moment.
The problem was, Wade didn’t feel the same way. He begged me not to break up with him, and back then, I thought he was desperate, and I felt like I was doing the right thing. And then I began missing him, crying myself to sleep at night because he wasn’t in my life. My friends at the time told me I’d get over him, that I was only missing the thought of him and not actually the physical part of him.
They were wrong.
The heartbreak never subsided and only increased when I finally returned his calls. I was too late though, and our lives had irreversibly changed. There was no going back.
Over the years, I’ve told myself I’m good. I’ve healed.
I thought this was the case until I read his daughter’s name.
Tears cloud my vision. I blink and they trail down the sides of my face, stopping before they reach my ears. My life could’ve been so different had I answered his first call later that day or even his second, but I ignored him. Each time my phone rang, I told myself I’m doing the right thing.
Only the right thing turned out to be the wrong thing.
More tears come and I chide myself for crying over my life from eight years ago. I can’t change the past and my future is . . . well, it’ll be whatever I make of it. Leslie’s right though, I need to put Wade and his daughter out of my mind and focus on my future. I’m sure her husband has another cousin or even a coworker who’s single and ready to take on a woman who hasn’t been able to heal from her own heartbreak.