Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Yuki’s expression remains stony.
“Say something, damn you!” And before I know what I’m doing, my hand has already connected with his face in a resounding slap, and his head snaps to the other side. The sound is awful, more so when I catch sight of Nina’s dismayed expression. It hauls me back to my senses—-
I’ve slapped Yuki.
My gaze swerves back to Yuki. I want to apologize, but only a choking sound emerges from my throat, and out of nowhere the tears come—-
His eyes darken, and I realize he knows just as I do that it’s happening again. “Calm down,” he grits out.
But it’s too late. The tears are endless. The pain is infinite. And my ability to breathe has disappeared.
From what seemed like a great distance, I hear Yuki barking out orders to Nina. I hear the words ‘panic attack,’ and when I see her dash out of the room, I know that’s it for me.
I’ve messed up again.
I’ve messed up.
I’VE MESSED UP.
And Yuki will never come back to me because I’m just like before, a brick around his neck—-
My chest squeezes hard, and I desperately gasp for breath.
“Calm yourself, senpai.” Yuki’s voice is low and fierce.
I want to, but I can’t. I just can’t. The pain is eating me alive.
Agitation flashes in his gaze. “Please.”
But I can only stare at him.
“Goddammit, senpai.” He suddenly reaches for me, and my body jerks as I feel his hand over my heart. “Please calm down.” He presses his hand harder to my chest. “Please. For me—-”
My eyes jerk up to his, and Yuki doesn’t look away.
“You heard me, senpai. Do it for me. Because if you’re not going to breathe—-” His jaw clenches. “If you don’t let yourself breathe – I won’t be able to breathe either.”
His hand presses harder against my heart. “So breathe for me, senpai. Please.”
Please breathe for me.
Breathe for me.
Breathe for me.
I close my eyes – and the words turn into something else, something that’s always been there but I somehow stopped seeing. They flirt with the edge of my consciousness, but with the night-shift doctor finally coming in, there’s no time to think about it, and the rest that follows is a blur. The doctor and the police ask me questions, and I think I answer coherently enough even though it feels like it’s not me talking to them. It’s as if a part of me started floating again, a silent, detached observer of what’s happening around me.
When Seiji and Momo suddenly show up, it’s almost like watching a movie as they converge on me. Seiji says they’ll drive me home while his girlfriend wraps a thick shawl around my shaking shoulders. I hear myself stammering, and it still doesn’t feel like I’m the one talking.
Thank you for coming. But how did you know—-
Yuki called us.
His name makes my body jolt, but when I start to turn to look for him, Momo shakes her head, saying softly, He’s gone.
The ride home is quiet. I lean my head against the windowpane, watching blindly as Shinjuku streaks past me in a dazzling array of colors. It’s kind of like New York with its bright lights and insomniac hum, but for once it fails to enthrall me. All I can think of is Yuki’s words—-
Breathe for me.
I close my eyes.
Breathe for me.
His words come back to me loud and clear, but my heart insists it’s hearing something else.
Breathe for me.
It’s only when I make it home and I’m alone in the darkness that the words gain painful clarity, and it hits me—-
What my heart’s been telling me it heard—-
What Yuki was really saying when he was holding me so tightly in his arms—-
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
And it’s enough to make me weep.
Word of the Day: Suki, n.
A Japanese term that conveys a feeling of liking, romantically and non-romantically
The prefix ‘dai’ works as an intensifier when added to the word. (E.g. Daisuki desu translates to I really like it.)
The security pad lets out a beep before the heavy doors of the Himuras’ home open. Although I got the password from Yuki himself, I still can’t help feeling like a burglar as I let myself inside, unannounced and uninvited.
Relax, KC, I tell myself. It’s not like you’re here to steal anything.
Well, okaaaaay – if I have to, I’m determined to steal Yuki’s heart back. But I’m hoping it won’t come to that.
Because he loves me, so...whatever this is about, we’ll work through it. We’ve always worked through things, and this time won’t be different.
It won’t, no matter if my gut instincts say otherwise.
“Yuki?” I start checking the rooms one by one. “Anyone home?” But my voice only bounces against the walls. The entire floor is empty, and I pause by the foot of the stairs, wondering if what I’m about to do can be considered obsessive or borderline stalking even.