Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 100301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
No. Stay home. I’ll be busy with Tony. I’ll keep in touch. David’s response made sense. I got that. What could Jordan and I do? I didn’t know how serious it was with Tony, or if David was an attending physician, or a million other things. It would be less worry for him if we were at home, but there was a voice in my head, one that had been quiet for weeks, that started telling me, You’re gonna lose him. He’s gonna leave you like everyone does. You’re not worthy of him anyway…
“No!” I shook my head, trying to quiet my thoughts. David loved us. He was Jordan’s Daddy, and my Sir, and there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for us.
But what if you lose Jordan too? What if his grandma decides she doesn’t think either of you are good for him?
Okay, Daddy. I’m so sorry. I love you.
I waited. Watched. Pleaded for my phone to buzz with a return message from David.
It didn’t.
Baby? Jordan messaged. Meet me at home? We can wait for Daddy together.
God, I wished I could be more like him. His confidence, the fact that he was secure in who the three of us were together, in me, made me love him more.
Will he still want you if David goes back to Tony?
Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with me? The man was in the hospital. He was hurt. I needed to get my shit together. I can’t. Not yet. My head is a mess. That was a good sign, I thought, that I told Jordan how I felt.
More reason we should be together. Let me be there for you, and we can both be there for Daddy.
But I couldn’t. I shoved my phone in my pocket and walked out.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Jordan
I was losing my damn mind. It had been hours since Daddy texted about Tony, since Ian had stopped responding to my messages. I had no idea where Ian was. At first I thought he just needed some time, but after a couple of hours, I started freaking the fuck out. I’d called Finley, who’d called Aidan, who’d told me not to call Daddy. The last thing he needed was to worry about Ian on top of what was going on with Tony, so the three of us had gone looking for Ian, Finley directing the way. I’d even called Peyton, but they hadn’t heard from him either, so now I was at home, Finley and Aidan there with me as we waited.
“Why is he doing this?” My leg was bouncing up and down as I sat on the couch.
“He’s scared,” Finley replied. “I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s different for us…for Ian. His mom left him in a gas-station bathroom. Foster homes came and went. He got to the point where he ran before they could tell him to go. It was easier for him if it was on his terms.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want him to leave. I want him here, with me. That’s what I told him. We should be together. I feel…uncomfortable without him. I don’t feel right without him.” I trembled, my skin almost itchy. I wouldn’t feel right without Daddy or Ian anymore.
“You’re using logic in an emotional situation, pet. Ian isn’t running off his brain right now. He’s running off his heart,” Aidan said. “Still, if David doesn’t punish the hell out of the little shit for this, I will.” When Aidan winked at me, I smiled, recognizing that was his intent in saying what he did.
If I was being honest, if I stopped letting my worry about Ian put up a wall around my other thoughts, I’d admit that part of me could understand where Ian was coming from.
Tony was in LA. He was David’s first love, the only man he’d ever loved until us. The only reason they weren’t together was because Tony couldn’t give David what he needed, but that didn’t change the fact that David loved him. What if Tony decided he could? What if that meant more than what Ian and I could give him? What if this made David realize that no matter what, Tony was who he wanted?
The itchiness beneath my skin grew, spread out. I shoved to my feet, and Finley looked at me and frowned, concern dimming the usual smile in his eyes.
“Are you okay?”
No, no I wasn’t. I wanted my Daddy. I wanted Ian. “I just… I need a minute.” Without another word, I went straight for the back door and outside. There was too much jitteriness inside me to sit down. I wanted to talk to my granny. When I was having a hard time, I’d always been able to go to her, and this was another reminder of how my relationship with her had changed. How could I tell her Ian was afraid David would leave us, and that maybe I was too? That maybe I wasn’t enough for Ian without David.