Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 59489 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 297(@200wpm)___ 238(@250wpm)___ 198(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 59489 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 297(@200wpm)___ 238(@250wpm)___ 198(@300wpm)
But in the end, it was a shell of what it was like to have her in my arms. To have her sitting on my couch instead of Vic. To have her to eat tacos with.
I couldn’t make her feel bad about it, though. I wasn’t going to try to manipulate her into not following her dream. Instead, I smiled, nodded, and laughed with her. When she described the difficulty of getting the few things she’d brought with her to the house inside due to steps she wasn’t familiar with and were deeper than usual, I laughed when it was appropriate and was concerned for her when she described scraping her knee.
It was all sort of genuine. I did feel bad for her. I was happy for her. The stories were funny.
I just wished she wasn’t there. That she’d never fallen because she hadn’t moved in. That those stories were stories about her day in Slater.
Because I didn’t want her to be there. I wanted her to be with me.
12
KRISTEN
Iwas going to be excited about this opportunity and throw myself into it completely.
That was what I decided when I got off the phone with Camden and settled into the reality that it truly was real now.
I'd made the decision. I'd taken the position. And I was here now, ready to start this next chapter in my career and my life. The chapter I'd been wanting to start for a long time, I reminded myself. This wasn't just a nice promotion or a chance to start something different and see what it was like. I’d wanted to be a full professor and work at a university since the beginning of my teaching career. It was what I had always envisioned when I thought about my future and what I wanted to do with it.
I'd finally achieved what I'd been striving for since I’d made the decision as a little girl to teach.
Now it was here. I'd done it. I'd proven myself and gained the recognition I'd wanted. It didn't have the thrill I thought it would. A year ago, if someone had told me I would be here, I would expect to be jumping out of my skin with excitement and ready to jump right in.
That was how I wanted to feel. I decided I was going to say my excitement was dampened because everything had happened so fast. My emotions were so wrapped up in what was happening with Camden that I hadn't really gotten a chance to process anything else. I was looking at this opportunity through narrowed eyes. Rather than seeing it for the amazing step-up it was, I was only thinking about the challenges and the painful thoughts surrounding Camden.
But I wanted all that behind me. I wanted to feel that thrill and get the most out of every second of this. Camden was obviously going to be just fine without me around, so why was I letting myself question achieving my dream because of him?
I knew the answer to that, even if I didn't really want to admit it or say it out loud, even to myself. The strength of the feelings I had for him was shocking. I'd never felt this kind of intensity for anyone, and before the call came to offer me the position, I’d had the feeling we were on our way toward something much more serious.
As I walked out of the little house the university had provided, my phone rang. My heart jumped a little, but when I looked at the screen, I saw it wasn't Camden, but Brianne.
"Hi," I answered.
"You sure do know how to make a best friend feel loved and missed," she said.
"I'm sorry," I said. "Of course I love and miss you. I just have a lot on my mind."
"A lot? Or just one thing?" she asked.
"Did you just call to show off your occasionally eerily accurate best friend mind-meld skills?" I asked.
"I like to think of it as best-ESP. Because you're my bestie, and…"
"You have ESP. I got it," I said. "But yes, just one thing. For right now, at least. And I don't want to. I really don't want to be thinking about Camden so much."
"Why not?" she asked. "He's probably a lot of fun to think about."
"He is, but that's not the point. He didn't even flinch when I told him I was coming here. And I did a video chat with him to show him around the house a bit, and he seemed completely fine. Like it was no big deal to him that I wasn't around anymore," I said.
"I really doubt that's the case," she said. "But even if it is, that's fine."
"I'm glad you think so," I said.
"It is, Kristen. It's fine. You've been working hard for this. This is your time. You should be taking it all in and having a fabulous time getting accustomed to your new surroundings. Finding great restaurants. Exploring parks. Desperately missing your best friend but taking strength in our childhood blood vow to never forget each other. All the usual things people do when they relocate. Not just thinking about him."