Total pages in book: 158
Estimated words: 156392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 782(@200wpm)___ 626(@250wpm)___ 521(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 156392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 782(@200wpm)___ 626(@250wpm)___ 521(@300wpm)
“B-but I hurt you…I…” The hand grasping the shard of glass trembles as she drops it to her side. “I stabbed you and…and…the knife fell and I stepped backward and fell down the stairs. I hurt you…you were bleeding so much.”
“I’m fine.” I tug my shirt out of my trousers and show her the healed wound. “See? I’m not in pain anymore.”
Her watery gaze falls to my skin and a fresh wave of tears cascade down her cheeks. “But I am in pain. Right here.” She hits her chest. “But especially here.” She bangs on her head with a fist. “I’m in so much pain. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Everything’s going to be all right.”
“No, it won’t. I think it’s time I accept that.” She pushes the shard of glass against her neck.
“Ava, no!”
“Divorce me or I will kill myself.” She tilts her head back and holds the glass so close to the pulse point I’ve been obsessing over for months. A droplet of blood cascades down her porcelain skin and soaks the collar of her dress.
“You got it. I’ll divorce you. Now, let go.” I approach her slowly, my muscles tightening and my heart hammering.
“And you’ll transfer the guardianship to Papa?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ll let me go? For good?”
“Yes—” Once I’m within reach, I snatch the piece of glass and throw it against the opposite wall and then wrap my arms around her from behind, restraining both her hands in front of her.
I’m panting, my breaths strained as if I’ve run a marathon. My wife struggles and kicks and releases animalistic sounds.
“If you don’t do as promised, I’ll find a way to commit suicide. Whether by throwing myself off a bridge, a building, or in front of a train. I will swallow a bottle of pills or slice my wrists or even hang myself. I will do everything to take myself from your vicinity if you don’t give me back my freedom. I promise I will! I promise I will!”
Her words have no different effect than if she’d stabbed me again.
No.
They’re much worse.
A few months ago, she wanted to kill me to leave me. Now, she’s willing to kill herself just to escape me.
Fucking hell.
Keeping her restrained with one hand, I reach to the drawer behind me and retrieve the first aid kit, fumble around until I find the syringe with the tranquilizer, then gently inject it in her arm.
Ava’s movements slow down and her eyes droop. As she goes heavy in my arms, a final tear leaves her eye as she stares at me. “I’d rather die than stay married to you.”
And then she goes still.
I drop my forehead to hers and allow myself to mourn my wife one final time.
39
ELI
NIGHT OF THE ACCIDENT
When I forcibly discharged Ava from the mental institute, everyone was against it.
Every. Single. One.
My father included.
However, I wasn’t ready to watch her try to commit suicide again. Or, worse, tighten security further or place her in a straitjacket. That will not be happening under my watch, no matter how much her parents argue that discharging her is not the right solution.
Or how much Dr. Blaine says that my wife is prone to exhibit harmful behavior to both herself and those around her. Namely me.
She’s wrong.
Sam, Henderson, and I have it under control. If she gets antsy due to my presence, which admittedly happens a lot lately, I simply stay out of sight and let Sam take care of her. She’s a trained medical professional and therapist, which is part of the reason my parents hired her as my nanny. She knew how to deal with my destructive behavior and handles Ava professionally well when she’s having her episodes.
She’s also the one who first noticed that my wife’s state worsens whenever I’m present and relayed that to Dr. Blaine.
Due to Ava’s frequent episodes, I’ve had to stay away more than I prefer. Even tonight, I buried myself in paperwork at the office and only had Alan drive me back home when Sam texted that my wife had fallen asleep.
Here’s to another night of watching her through monitors.
Although I hate to admit it, Henderson was right when he said this isn’t a marriage but torture for both of us.
Ava doesn’t want to be with me, and even though she’s been scared of me since the wedding, she often suggests that we split up while swearing that she’ll never tell anyone about the murder.
I turn crueler whenever she mentions that, but that’s because it’s the only method I can think of to keep her beside me. If she’s scared of me, she’ll never leave me.
If she’s scared of me, she’ll realize her survival depends only on me.
Yes, I recognize that if I trust Dr. Blaine and have her admitted to the hospital for five to six months and give her time to try out her therapy method, I might get a more present wife. I’ll have the girl whose life became so intertwined with mine, I can’t imagine myself without her.