Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 71911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
thirty-one
brielle
Cam’s father one day coming to lay claim on him or fight me in court for custody was never a fear I lived with. Telling a man who had slept with a different woman every night for most of his adult life that your kid was his seemed cliché.
I’d tried to contact Dean when I was younger. Back when I had nowhere to live and a baby on the way. I left a few messages on the band’s contact page on their website. I also used the mailing address that was for their fan mail to tell him about the pregnancy.
The last attempt I made was when Cam was one and I had no money to buy him milk. I was young and naive then. With time, I realized Dean, along with the rest of the band, must have gotten letters and accusations like that all the time. I doubted Dean would remember that night or the broken condom. I’d never imagined I’d see him again.
When I’d been told he was coming to the college to have lunch with the president after making some huge donation, I’d wanted to get Cam his autograph. The man whose DNA was the reason he loved the drums so much was going to be within my reach. Cam had wanted it because that same man had become his idol.
The turn it had all taken this summer wasn’t something I could have prepared myself for. Now, I had let it go on so long that I wasn’t sure how to begin to tell Dean. Or Cam. I didn’t know if it would be good for either of them. I’d been lying to them both. Withholding a truth from them. Something I knew with absolute certainty.
Cam was Dean Finlay’s son.
It had been over two months since I’d had sex with Bradley when I slept with Dean on his bus. Bradley had worn a condom, and it hadn’t broken.
Nine months, three weeks, and a day after I slept with Dean Finlay, Cam had entered this world. I cried because I didn’t know how I was going to take care of him and because I hadn’t known I could love so strongly. I’d never loved anyone like that. His little hand grasped my finger tightly, and I knew then that I would do anything I could to keep him safe.
The delivery nurse, Janie Meadows, had just celebrated her sixty-third birthday the day before Cam was born. She took us home with her, and we lived there for the first ten months of Cam’s life. Janie was good to us. She helped me find my feet and get my GED. She instructed me on getting food stamps and help from the state. When she died from the cancer I hadn’t known she was hiding, she had left what little money she had to me and Cam. It had been the only thing that kept us off the streets.
For years, I’d told Cam stories about Janie. Telling him she had been our guardian angel. I often wondered if she would be proud of me now. I liked to think she would be.
One thing I knew for certain was, Janie would tell me that it was Cam’s right to know his father. No matter how Dean took the news. Even if I turned whatever feelings Dean might have for me into hate. Possibly disgust. My not telling him and Cam was selfish. I knew it. I just didn’t know how to begin. Where to start.
The more time I spent with Dean, the harder and harder that conversation seemed.
The door opened, and my internal struggle was halted by the face I had grown to love. I’d never meant to fall in love with him. Out of all the men in the world, he was the last one I should have given my heart to. He was the one that could destroy me. Destroy everything.
“I was hoping for a happier look on your face at the sight of me,” Dean said, closing the door behind him as he studied me.
I pushed all of those thoughts back and smiled at him. “Sorry. Long day. My head was somewhere else.”
“Clearly, I’m needed here,” he said, closing the space between us.
When his hands touched my waist, I glanced up at him and knew that even if I lost this—him looking at me as if he wanted me, as if I mattered to him—I loved him too much to continue lying. Cam needed to know him for who he was, but first, I would have to tell Dean. Let Dean decide how to tell our son.
He lowered his mouth to mine, and I let myself enjoy the kiss as if it were the last one. I clung to him, wishing it were different. That life hadn’t put me in this situation. I had known getting too close to him was dangerous, but I’d done it anyway. I had let all my guards down and fallen in love with him. He pulled back slowly and stared down at me.