Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91299 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91299 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
He rises up on his elbows and stares at my lips. “Charm.”
“Blaze.”
“How soon can you go again?” He grins.
I burst out laughing. “You are insane.”
“I am—for this.” He moves his head down close to me, his nose brushing against mine, his mouth inches away. I freeze, unease sliding over me. I can’t give him that. I can’t. It’s the final piece of me.
He sighs and rolls away from me.
Silence ticks by as we stare up at the ceiling.
He lifts his hands and scrubs the lines of his face.
A long breath comes from him, and I try to take his hand. He pulls it away from me, not far, but enough that I know he doesn’t want that.
I think a full minute goes by. I turn my head to look at him. “Do you regret…what just happened?”
He frowns. “No. I just had the best sex ever.”
Oh.
I chew on my lip. “But you don’t look happy.”
He focuses back on me just as his cell pings from his jeans.
“That’s your phone,” I say.
He exhales, sits up, and reaches for his pants on the floor where they ended up, fumbling for it. He reaches into his pocket, grabs the cell, and reads the message.
“Someone important?” I ask, sitting up, fighting annoyance, wondering if it’s one of the many girls who hang on him.
“Yeah.” He takes the condom off and throws it in the trash. Pulling his jeans up, he tucks his phone back in his pocket, grabs his shirt, and puts it back on. His shoulders are tense as he walks around the room, seeming lost in thought. He stops at the door, and I feel faint.
I stand up and straighten my skirt then put my bra back on. One of my heels came off, and I jerk the other one off, pushing it out of the way as I stand. “So…you’re…leaving?”
He stares at me, his expression torn. “I have to work out. I promised Coach and that was him. I can’t miss it.”
“So it wasn’t a fan?”
His eyes flare. “Honestly, I think you want me to say yes. It would make things easier for you.”
I toss my hair back. “Don’t turn this around. You’re the one standing at my door after sex.”
His voice is quiet. “Charm, you—you won’t even let me kiss you. Why do you care?”
My heart trembles inside me. “Then go!” I say, annoyance ratcheting up to anger.
He frowns. “Look, I know we’re not right. I know I’m not good at talking about this stuff. I’ve never had to—”
His phone pings again and he glances at it.
“Just answer it,” I grind out.
He looks back at me, frustration on his face. His fists clench. “This isn’t over. We’ll talk. I’ll text you later.”
“Don’t,” I say bitterly. “We both know what this was. Just like old times, huh?”
“No, it wasn’t, goddammit. We are not doing that again.”
“Then what is this?” My eyes search his.
He exhales slowly, his face shuttering. He swallows as he lifts his fist to his mouth. “I…don’t know.”
I remind myself that he gave me the choice to tell him to go—and I didn’t.
I don’t want to hurt you.
Yeah. I see exactly where this is going.
I walk over to him. “Let me make it easy for you. Get out.”
He taps his leg, staring at me.
“Charm—”
“Now.” Before I cry. Again.
He takes a long look at my face, heaves out a sigh, and walks away, shutting the door softly, and all the tension I’ve been holding in releases. I whimper and fall back on my bed, hands covering my face.
Penelope knocks on my door, but I don’t answer it. I hear her shuffling away.
I roll over and beat my pillow.
He owned my heart three months ago, and he knows it. He knows it.
I think back to that heart-revealing note. I was fooling myself with that blew away in the wind shit. I taped that fucker to his door, and at the time, I didn’t care who might walk by and see it, right out there for everyone. He got it and read it and if he felt the same way, if he were as gone for me as I am him, he would have told me by now.
He doesn’t want us.
If he did, he would have stayed.
18
I walk out of Charisma’s and stalk to my truck. I sit there with my vehicle idling, waiting to see if maybe she’ll come after me. She won’t though. I saw that stubborn look on her face. She’s in there fortifying her fortress, adding more cement, pushing me out of her head.
After five minutes, I back up and pull away, building up my own walls.
What are we doing?
I can’t go back to the way we were three months ago, messing around and never talking.
And now? I’m hot and cold with her, and I know it.
I also know I can’t go back to needing her but still being afraid to commit to something when I don’t even know what it is.