Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91299 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91299 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Pop comes out next. A handsome man with laughing brown eyes like mine, he is surprisingly somber. He doesn’t look at anyone but Blaze.
“Heard you were the boyfriend. About time you got here. Frank Rossi.” He takes Blaze’s hand, and if the wince on Blaze’s face is anything to go by, he squeezes pretty hard.
“Yes, sir. Finished the Combine and took the first flight out from Indianapolis to get here. Glad to meet you. I apologize if I interrupted dinner.” His face is carefully shuttered, but those eyes, they’re bright and emotional and—
Joey P is next, sticking his head out the door with a questioning look on his face. “Who’s this?”
Ma never takes her eyes off Blaze. “Joey, be a dear and get the tiramisu out of the fridge then help Susan get the dessert plates out?” Her tone brooks no argument, and he hops to it, shrugging and going back in the house.
They make small talk with Blaze, asking questions about his flight, but all I can do is stare. Inside I’m flailing around like a chicken with its head cut off. He’s here—why?
He looks at them when they speak, but he always comes back to me, that hesitant, searching look on his face.
Pop gives me a look as if to ask what’s going on, but I’m not sure what he wants me to say. He huffs out a laugh and focuses back on Blaze. “Looks like Charm’s lost the ability to speak. Would you like to come in?”
Ma steps forward. “No, not yet, dear. Maybe they need some time alone out here. We’re good people, but we can be a lot to take in.” She gives Blaze a small pat on the arm. “And you’re not a hillbilly. Sorry I said that to Charm.” She corrals everyone back inside.
There’s a small smile on Blaze’s face and he softly says, “I like her.”
“You’ll regret it later. She’ll be planning your life for you, arranging dates, pushing you to go to Mass, and guilt-tripping you into calling her every day.”
“Ah, well, I never had that, so maybe I wouldn’t mind so much.”
My eyes close briefly, and I open them to see he’s moved closer. We’re almost chest to chest. Just one little step and I could put my arms around his neck, reach up, and kiss him. “Why are you here, Blaze? You didn’t come all this way just to tell me about the Combine, although I am happy for you.”
“I’m never going to let you out of my sight again, Charm.”
“Oh.”
A long sigh comes from him. His eyes burn, that emotion still brewing. He tilts my chin up and gives me a long look, his mind spinning, debating what to say judging by the conflict in his gaze. “There’s something I need to say. Emotional words are hard for me. Never got them growing up, and I learned to not think about them. Then I found football and did what I do best. Actions, applause—that’s what got me jacked up. Then you came along, a girl determined to keep me at arm’s length, when for the first time in my life, I wanted something besides football. I wanted to tell you that, but I shoved you away. Because no matter how many times I let myself think someone cares, there’s always this voice in the back of my head telling me I don’t get to have those things because people have always deserted me in some way. I’m not good at expressing myself. I know it, and I fight with it. That day in your room when I sang those songs to you, Charm…that’s me, telling you how I feel. When I can’t stop looking at you when you’re underneath me, that’s me telling you you’re the one. When I wrote those notes to you in class, that’s me saying more to you than I have ever said to anyone. It’s me when I see you on a date and I’m on a date and all I want to do is sing your song. I’m scared I won’t be worth your love. I’m scared of those big words because they mean so much to me. What if you leave me? What if I’m so fucked up that one day, you finally see it and walk away?”
He inhales a breath. “I love you. I do. I have for a long time—maybe since the moment you walked into my bedroom with that coat on and made me insane for you. I’m sorry I’ve been scared. I’m sorry I hesitate on the important things. It’s just…me.”
I close my eyes as tears slip down my face. He murmurs soothing words and wipes them away, and when I open look up again, there’s wetness on his cheeks.
His forehead rests against mine. “Can you see me, Charm? Can you see the man I really am underneath all this? Can you look at me and see that I can’t go on without you?”