Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 104448 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 522(@200wpm)___ 418(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104448 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 522(@200wpm)___ 418(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
“I came for one of those hiking backpacks I can put her in. We’re going to do that flattish trail at the base of Maude unless you have a different suggestion.”
He directed me toward the right side of the store. “No, that’s perfect. It’s only a mile to Newton Lake, and you can picnic there. Show her how to skip rocks.”
“She’s not quite sixteen months,” I told him, as though that number would have meant a damn thing to me even a few short weeks ago. “More likely to eat rocks than skip them.”
Considering her size again, he wrinkled his nose, then nodded. “Fair point. Maybe show her how you skip rocks and let her plonk them in the water.”
When I pulled down the backpack to check it out, Jackson squatted down to distract Lellie. He was all charm and sweet smiles.
“You’re good with her,” I observed. “Did you and Lake ever think about having kids?”
Jackson and his husband had been together a while, and I’d always admired their relationship.
“We’re in the process of trying to adopt,” he said, smiling back at Lellie as she waved around a colorful set of webbing straps she’d pulled off a nearby rack. “It’s not easy.”
We continued talking as I tried on the backpack and decided to buy it. It wasn’t until I was halfway down the highway toward Three Daughters that I put two and two together and considered that Jackson and Lake could be potential parents for Lellie. I admired both men and knew them to be kind and loving people, dedicated to their business and the town of Majestic. They were generous, attentive, and warm. I couldn’t imagine anyone better suited to becoming parents once I started thinking about it.
But when I made the logical leap between realizing they’d be great parents and imagining myself handing Lellie over to them, my gut roiled.
I pulled into the small parking area by the trailhead and rearranged the necessary supplies into the pockets of the backpack before pulling Lellie out of her car seat and trying to load her into the pack.
She heartily rejected the offer.
We started out with me carrying an empty backpack while Lellie toddled at her usual drunken-sailor pace down the trail.
The day was beautiful, warm and sunny without any humidity. There were wildflowers along the edges of the trail and Lellie even noticed a brightly colored butterfly. Several other visitors shared the trail with us as we made our way toward the lake. Lellie’s legs tired fairly quickly, and she allowed me to put her in the backpack so we could pick up the pace. Thankfully, the little baggie of apple slices I’d brought kept her busy long enough to get used to being in the pack.
Unfortunately, by the time I reached the lake, she was dead asleep. I carefully pulled the pack off and stood it on the grass, pulling out the old beach towel I’d brought as a makeshift picnic blanket and setting out the supplies for our lunch and a diaper change.
Once everything was set up, I carefully pulled her out of the pack and held her close as I settled onto the towel and gazed out at the lake. Another family played at the edge of the water, and their three kids alternated between laughing together and bickering.
A teenager farther down the lake shore played music from their phone while an older woman sat on a small camp chair and read a tattered paperback.
I looked down at Lellie’s face. Her dark lashes were curled against the tops of her cheeks, and her rosy lips poked out almost like a pout. Her skin was impossibly flawless and soft. I ran a thumb across her cheek and jaw to her tiny ear. What had she looked like as a newborn?
Part of me now regretted missing it. Getting to know her now with her funny personality quirks had begun to make me realize what I’d missed. She was obsessed with flowers and frogs but had a clear aversion to birds for some reason. She was obsessed with apples but detested apple juice. She loved to dance, but her version of dancing was just swaying her body without ever moving her feet.
What had she experienced in her short life that had contributed to her idiosyncrasies?
I tried to imagine her growing up within the loving embrace of Jackson and Lake. They would be the fun kind of parents who nurtured a fierce love of outdoor adventure. They’d teach her to ride a bike and swim. They’d take her to the rodeo and introduce her to everyone in town. Jackson would be the kind of parent who volunteered at school, and Lake would most likely throw himself into making adorable Halloween costumes.
What would I be like as a parent?
I was quieter and less social than they were. Yes, I loved being outside, too, but I’d be more likely to teach her to ride. To meander through the large ranch property in search of deer tracks and signs of elk. I’d spend cozy nights curled up on the sofa in front of the fire, reading books with her. Maybe it would be boring.