Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“Not really. It has contingencies.”
“What contingencies?”
“Bolton, for one.”
“What’s another?” Axel asked.
“Everything else.”
He continued to stare.
“Once he’s dead, I have to deal with everything else.”
“Such as?”
“Marriage and kids…shit like that.”
“That sounds terrible right now, but if you give it enough time, it won’t,” he said. “If you read the last page of the story without all the pages in between, it’s not going to make any sense. It’ll feel rough and abrupt without all the context and buildup.”
“I can do the marriage thing again, at some point. But you know how I feel about kids.”
He gave a slow nod in understanding.
“I’m not going to change my mind about that.”
Axel stared at me in silence.
“I told her I would try, but I don’t want to waste her time.”
His eyes dropped down to his drink, but he didn’t grab it.
“I don’t think everyone is meant to have children.”
My eyes narrowed on his face, surprised he didn’t try to change my mind about it.
“I think it’s perfectly fine not to have them. However, I think, like with anything else in life, you might feel differently about it at a different time. Your answer yesterday may have been no. Today, it’s obviously no. But maybe tomorrow…or next year…it might be different. With my first wife, we never talked about kids. Neither one of us seemed to care about it. But then Scarlett walked by in her heels and her sexy curves…” He shrugged. “It was just different with her. Can’t really explain it.”
I continued to stare at him, hanging on to every word.
“Just see where it goes, Theo. You said you wouldn’t sabotage it, but you’re already doing it again.”
“Bolton wasted a lot of her time, Axel.” Wasted the best years of her life with lies and bullshit. Didn’t just have a side chick here and there, but an entire relationship. “I don’t want to do the same.”
“I get it,” he said. “You’re a good guy. But what is your reason for not wanting to do it? You’ve never actually explained it. Just said it wasn’t for you.”
I shook my glass and took a drink, ready to light up a cigar next. “You walked away from the business of your own accord, right? Scarlett didn’t ask you.”
“She didn’t have to ask me,” he said. “What kind of father would I be if I was still doing that shit? When my kid asked me to come to career day, what was I going to say? That I was in pharmaceutical sales?”
“Exactly.”
He furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to understand.
“You can’t have both—and that’s why I can’t do it.”
Once he understood, his eyebrows relaxed, and so did the rest of his face. He gave a subtle nod in understanding.
“This is all I know, Axel. I don’t want to give it up to change diapers and sit on my ass all day.”
“You think that’s all I do?” He smirked like he wasn’t offended. “Yes, I change diapers. And I do sit on my ass. But when I’m sitting on my ass, my daughter is sleeping in the crook of my arm, and I’m watching. I’m watching my son color outside the lines one day then color inside the lines a week later. I’m watching my wife glow like the full moon when she’s looking at the babies we made together. I’m still lifting in the morning and fucking my wife at night. I’m still taking my wife out to dinner and grabbing her ass in front of the entire room just so they know she’s mine. Do I miss the streets and the adrenaline and the insanity?” He shrugged as he considered it. “Sure. Sometimes. But that was a different season of life, and I’m really enjoying this season. Nothing is ever as bad or as good as you think it’s going to be, Theo. Just live in the moment with Astrid and see where it goes. You might feel differently if you allow yourself to.”
I grabbed the cigar on the table and lit up, letting the smoke soothe my insides.
Axel continued to watch me. “Unless that’s the problem. That you’re afraid you will feel differently…because you’re already starting to.”
I held my breath as I let the smoke absorb into my flesh. Let the world go still as I blocked out what he said. When my lungs couldn’t hold it any longer, when I felt myself about to explode, I let it out.
Let it out with the smoke.
Chapter 6
Astrid
It was midnight, but I was still awake.
My sleeping patterns had changed since moving in with Theo. He was usually home late, so I found myself staying awake in the hope I would see him. Sometimes he woke me up in the middle of the night in the most delectable ways, but other times, it wasn’t until I was awake the following morning that I saw him.