Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 71911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
He was just about to scoop a bite onto his fork, but he noticeably stilled at the question. His eyes remained down for several long seconds, seconds that felt like minutes because they were packed with so much tension. He eventually abandoned the fork altogether and set it on his plate.
I knew I’d asked the wrong thing.
He stared at his plate a moment longer before he straightened and met my gaze, his blue eyes suddenly angry. “You want me to leave?”
“I-I didn’t say that. I’ve just noticed things are different. You’re cooking at home, not going to work. It seems like something has changed. You said you would never quit the Brotherhood, so I’m not sure what’s caused this abrupt change.”
His eyes pierced mine, searching for a sign of a lie. “I want to end the arrangement I suggested, and I’m sorry I suggested it in the first place. If I could take it back, I would. You’re my wife, and I love you more than words can say. I want to have a family with you, to raise children and leave them behind when it’s our time to go.”
My fingers gripped the handle of the fork as I processed his declaration. After our last argument, neither one of us had acknowledged our problems because that’s how we’d always been. We just ignored things until they went away. But Bolton wasn’t going to ignore this.
He continued to stare at me expectantly, waiting for me to appreciate his words and agree to the new terms.
But a bottomless pit opened in my stomach, and I’d been knocked off-balance. Those were words I’d wanted to hear weeks ago. I’d hoped he would realize how wrong it was and come back to me. And I would have forgiven him. But then there were more women, and it seemed like it wasn’t a problem until he realized I was also taking full advantage of the arrangement.
“Astrid.” He seemed to know that my mind had drifted.
My eyes darted away, unable to look at him without feeling the pain and the overwhelming resentment.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it—”
“No.”
He stilled. “No, what?”
“No, that’s not what I want.”
His blue eyes shifted back and forth between mine, slow at first, but then with increased speed, like he could feel all the pieces of his life unravel.
“It’s too late, Bolton.” When I’d sat down to dinner tonight, I didn’t think this conversation would transpire. I didn’t think I would make this decision. It felt impulsive, but I knew it’d been creeping closer every day for the last two months. “I couldn’t sleep with anyone, not even when you came home with lipstick on your neck after your first trip. The idea of being with anyone else but you…made me sick. But then you said there had been multiple women, and that was when I ended up in someone’s bed. I hoped after the first woman, you would realize it was a big mistake and you would change your mind about the whole thing. But you didn’t. And I think the only reason you’re changing your mind now is because you know I have someone else—which is despicable.”
His blue eyes remained angry as he listened. “I never see the same woman twice. They’re just a means to an end. It’s a transaction, a comfort in whatever city I’m forced to be in to fulfill my contract. I feel nothing for them. But what you’re doing is completely different—because you’re in a relationship.”
“You never specified the terms—”
“Astrid.” He kept his voice even, but his anger bubbled on the surface of his face. “An open marriage means you fuck other people, but you’re emotionally committed to each other. Having a relationship with someone else is breaking that emotional commitment to me.”
“It’s not a relationship,” I snapped. “And even if it were, that’s really rich coming from you. You’re gonna sit there and try to make me feel bad for all of this? You knew how I felt about this arrangement, but you wanted to fuck someone so bad, you did it anyway.”
“You said you were fine with it—”
“But you knew I wasn’t!” I couldn’t restrain my anger the way he could restrain his, so it came pouring out. “You drove me into the arms of someone else because I’ve been a fucking mess since all this shit happened. Another man has been consoling me the nights you’re gone, and if that makes you feel like shit, then good. I hope you feel like shit.”
He straightened further, his jaw clenching as he listened to all of it. “The arrangement is over, Astrid. We’ll go to couples therapy or whatever bullshit married couples do to fix their problems—”
“We had no problems until you wanted to fuck someone else. You’re the problem, Bolton.”