Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Her chest was rising, and I could tell she was still uncomfortable with her body being exposed, but she was going with it…for me.
I caressed her milky skin with the back of my hand. “I just got scared, baby. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for something I created. I did that to you, Jake. I lost my way because of my crazy hormones, and in the midst of it, I forgot the most important thing: that I belong to you and that nothing is more important than making sure you know you’re loved by me. I will never treat you that way again.”
“I was being insecure and impatient. You couldn’t help it. You were sick. I—”
“I handled it wrong. I ran away from you instead of toward you. I made you insecure about us. Your reaction to my covering myself tonight…it didn’t upset me; it’s proof of how much you love me.” She looked away almost hesitant to continue, then said, “You know what? I have insecurities, too. Since, we’re being honest…I hate that I have to give you up to Ivy on Saturdays. I get jealous. I never tell you that, because you’re doing the right thing, and it’s hard enough for you. Even though I know you don’t love her the same way, it still makes me uneasy because I don’t want to share you. I know how desperate my love for you can make me feel sometimes. So, that’s how I know that your reaction today was just because of how much you love me.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I was bursting at the seams in more ways than one. She was still standing over me when I pulled her naked body toward me. She straddled me as I continued to sit up on the edge of the bed. I had already been hard from just looking at her, but now that she was on top of me, I was about to explode.
My head was down, buried in her golden hair that smelled like the coconut hotel shampoo. I spoke over her skin. “Of all the times I thought I had lost you, nothing has been scarier than the past couple of months. I am still fucking terrified you’re gonna tell me any minute not to touch you again.”
“That wasn’t really me, Jake. Look at me.” She put both of her hands on my head and lifted my face to hers. Her eyes were watery. “I am feeling better. This…is me. Coming out of a depression in some ways is like being born again into a better life. If you can make it through the worst, you appreciate everything you hold dear, so much more. It’s like the sun after a rainstorm. I can’t promise that the darkness won’t ever strike again, but I know how to identify it now and learned how to handle it. One thing I am sure of, is that I will never push you away like that again…ever. You and A.J. are my world. I am sorry if I made you suffer along with me.”
“Don’t you get it, Nina? I can handle suffering with you, baby. Isn’t that how we started…my holding your hand through everything? I want to spend the rest of my life doing that. I’d go through hell and back over and over for you. It’s losing you I can’t bear. When you hide from me, when you tell me not to touch you, it scares me. I’ll suffer with you any day, as long as you let me love you.”
A tear fell down her cheek, and I ran my tongue over it, licking it away. “Don’t cry,” I whispered. “It hurts me when you cry. I love you so much.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I need you to believe that,” she said.
There were no further words necessary. I could feel her heart beating through her chest, and with every ounce of my being, I knew she meant everything she said. In the same way I could always feel her pain, I felt her love for me pouring through her soul at that moment.
I wanted to show her in the way I knew best, how much I loved her, too.
CHAPTER 33
NINA
Jake kissed away the last of my tears then looked up at me. The hunger in his eyes from earlier had returned. “I don’t want to talk anymore,” he said.
Good. Neither did I.
Between our getting interrupted this morning, to my longing for him while he visited his ex-wife and then his leaving me in the bathroom tonight…I was overstimulated.
It didn’t help that he looked beyond incredible with his chin scruff and tousled grown out hair. I looked down at the contrast between my white skin and his tanned tattooed arms wrapped around my waist. They were three shades darker due to his working out in the sun lately.