Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 63199 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63199 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
“What relationship?”
It’d been years, but Sebastian still remembered the inflection of Mike’s voice and the sneer on Mike’s face as he had said it. And as if it hadn’t been enough for Mike to stomp all over Sebastian’s heart, Mike and his cronies literally kicked his feelings out of him later that day. Mike laughed as his friends used him as a punching bag.
After that, Sebastian had done his best to stay away from Mike Fletcher, but Mike wouldn’t leave him alone. Almost a year later, Mike was the one who caught Sebastian giving head to his first boyfriend, Bill. Mike took a picture of them, and the rest, as they say, was history. Bill, who hadn’t been out, was forced out of the closet and ostracized by his own family. A month later, standing by Bill’s grave and feeling people’s judgmental looks on him, Sebastian promised to himself: never again. He was done getting involved with guys who bullied others to hide their own sexuality. Guys like Mike never changed. They were the type to marry early, produce two-point-five kids, and fuck some naive faggot on the side before returning to their perfect wife. Never again.
And now, almost ten years later, Sebastian felt sick to his stomach, burning with shame, because it was Mike Fletcher all over again, wasn’t it? Apparently he still was as stupid and weak as he had been back then.
Jesus, how could he? How could he go against his very principles and let another homophobic, closeted asshole fuck him? In Moscow he hadn’t been ashamed, because he felt he was teaching the homophobic jackass a lesson. What he’d been doing in the past few days—teasing Vlad and provoking him—was dangerously close to flirting. What had happened back at the club wasn’t a lesson. He’d just been mindless with it, wanting to scratch the itch and get fucked, deep and hard.
Vlad had called him a slut. Vlad was right.
Even now, just thinking about it and remembering what it had felt like caused Sebastian’s spent cock to twitch, shameful arousal washing over him once again.
Idiot. He was an idiot. He wasn’t the weird looking, pale as death, unpopular teenager anymore. He had dozens of men and women vying for his attention. And yet he had to go and get fucked by a man who was completely unapologetic about his homophobia.
Something soft rubbed against his ankle. Sebastian looked down.
“I’m hopeless, aren’t I?” he said, picking up his cat and cradling her against his chest. He fell back on the mattress and started petting her, trying to empty his mind from all thoughts.
It didn’t work.
The worst part was...he’d loved it. He had loved making Vlad mad, making him lose it, feeling Vlad’s low growls against his ear, feeling Vlad’s fingers grip his hips as Vlad couldn’t help but fuck into him. It had been such an empowering feeling. It had gotten him off almost as much as the thick cock inside him.
He had left before Vlad could spout his usual homophobic bullshit—and also because he felt too ashamed. Ashamed of loving it so much, ashamed for falling into the same rabbit hole that he’d done as a teenager, and ashamed for breaking the promise he’d made to himself on the dead boy’s grave.
“Why am I such a dumbass?” Sebastian whispered with a humorless smile.
Hermione meowed.
“Yeah,” Sebastian said, closing his eyes. He tensed when he heard the sound of footsteps in the corridor.
Vlad was back, too.
The footsteps stopped outside his door.
Sebastian went rigid, his heart pounding in his ears.
Would he come inside? What for? To tell Sebastian he wasn’t gay? To beat him up? Or maybe...to crawl on top of him for another round?
Sebastian hated himself for the tiny thrill he felt at the thought.
The footsteps sounded again, and then the door opposite his room closed.
Sebastian breathed out, unsure whether he was disappointed or relieved by the lack of confrontation with Vlad.
Figuring the coast was clear, Sebastian headed out of the room. He was thirsty as hell.
He padded out toward the kitchen but stopped when he saw that Luke was there. He was sitting at the kitchen table, talking on the phone. He was talking to his boyfriend, Sebastian realized. Before he could leave to give Luke privacy, he heard his own name and paused.
“That’s not up to you, Roman,” Luke said.
Sebastian had met Luke’s boyfriend only once and wasn’t sure what to think of the man. Roman Demidov was an imposing, handsome man with the air of power and authority about him, but his cold blue eyes gave Sebastian the creeps. They seemed to read his every thought and see right through him. Roman gave the impression of a man who wouldn’t hesitate to use your weakness against you. Sebastian couldn’t imagine a man less suitable for a soft, romantic bloke like Luke, but they seemed to work.