Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 69155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
My heart aches, oh does it ache.
Everything inside me wants to believe him, but everything inside me also knows that some people just can’t change. Right now, I’m drinking so I know I’m not thinking clearly, otherwise I know I wouldn’t have even spoken to Reece further after he told me Jayden was asleep. I know I should hang up, but his voice is so believable and kind and my heart aches. I hate that I’m so damned weak.
“I ... I don’t think that’s a good idea, Reece. We both know this has gone on too long. I’m glad you’re getting help, and I hope your other relationships will benefit from it, but, unfortunately, this relationship isn’t going to work.”
There.
There, I did it.
I was strong.
Straight forward.
No messing around.
“You’re not even going to give me a chance?” he asks, his voice a little less sleepy and husky now.
“We’ve been over this. You hurt me. I can’t be that girl who is forever making excuses for a man who doesn’t treat her right. I’m a cop. I’m smart. This is what I do for a living, pull people out of these situations. I want to be a role model for my son. To be someone he can look up to. I don’t ever want him to think it’s okay to hurt a woman.”
“I’d never hurt you in front of him.”
I laugh bitterly. “That statement right there is exactly why this isn’t going to work. You shouldn’t hurt me at all, Reece.”
“I couldn’t control my temper. I’ve done some horrible things I know that ...”
“Horrible?” I whisper. “Reece, you’re downright cruel. Remember that time you shoved my head into the toilet because I wouldn’t make love to you because I was sick? Or that time when you pushed me and I fell down the stairs when I was pregnant with Jayden, and I had to tell the doctor I fell. Would you like me to go on?”
“Zariah ...” his voice is pleading, broken and it tugs at the weakest parts of me.
But I can’t be her anymore.
I can’t.
I won’t.
“I’m sorry, Reece. This relationship is over and it’s going to stay over. I think we need to take space, real space. We’ll have a person who can drop off and pick up Jayden so we don’t need to make contact. I really think this is for the best, I’m so sorry.”
I don’t know why I’m saying sorry to him, he doesn’t deserve me to say sorry.
My heart twists all the same, though. My body is attempting to scream at me that I’m making the wrong choice, that I should go back, that maybe he can change.
Those are the voices of a thousand broken pieces inside of me. They’re not real.
They’re simply trying their hardest to make me believe they are.
“I’m going now, we’ll work out the details tomorrow. I’m sorry.”
“Zariah, no. You’re not leaving ...”
I hang up the phone and my heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest. Not because I’m in love with Reece, but mostly because I’m so broken when it comes to him. So many years of abuse, so many years of insane love between the abuse, so many years of trying to convince myself he could be different, so many years of beating myself up and thinking I was doing something wrong. When it comes to Reece, I’m simply a wounded child looking for comfort.
I can’t let him be my comfort anymore.
I finish up in the bathroom and step back out to where the party is still going in full swing.
It’s time to keep putting these feet forward.
One baby step at a time.
I’M ON MY WAY BACK out to the fire when I hear a soft, muffled moan. I stop, unable to figure out what the moan is coming from. It could be sexual, or it could be that someone is sick. It’s really quite hard to tell. Muffled, only coming occasionally. I tip my head to the side and follow the sound to a room on the left, door slightly ajar. I place my hand on the door and very carefully peer in, not wanting to interrupt anyone.
What I see has me pausing, mouth dropping open, shock registering full throttle in my body.
It’s certainly not someone in pain, at least, not the bad kind of pain.
No, it’s Kendric and a woman. Young, dark haired, gorgeous body. She’s currently pressed over a large pool table in the middle of the room. Her hands are behind her back, where he’s holding them in one of his. She’s got a gag in her mouth and he’s holding her by the hair as he fucks her. Every single part of me knows I should walk away, shut the door, and pretend I never saw anything.
But the deranged, secret part of me can’t look away. That part of me doesn’t even want to look away. No, god no. That part of me, the part I rarely ever show, is curious. It’s turned on. It’s a little jealous, surprisingly. It’s intrigued. Seeing her tied up, her mouth gagged, his cock slamming into her over and over, ripping little sounds of pleasure from her throat, has me aching in places I should be ashamed to be feeling anything right now.