Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 65335 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65335 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
“Pie isn’t going to…mrpfh!” I grunt when she pushes the pie past my lips. Then I groan as the sweet, sugary, tart cherries burst over my tongue, followed by the buttery, flaky pie crust. This is heaven on a fork.
“Here, the sugar should help. Calories maybe. I don’t know. What were you doing out there?” Cass feeds me another forkful of pie.
“T—thinking.” I’m still shivering. Shaking, actually. I want to groan at the tingling and burning as every bit of me starts to thaw out.
“You didn’t have a proper jacket on for thinking. And you’re completely soaked.” She feeds me two more forkfuls of pie. “I’m just glad your granny was able to find you. Thank you. Thank you for turning on your phone for a second to let her know you’re here.”
“I wasn’t letting her know. I was trying to get something off of it before I threw it in the toilet. I didn’t think ahead, so I panicked. Kind of. It was just this feeling inside me and under my skin. Relentless, eating away at me. A beast that told me to come here. Alone. To think. Think about how to make things right. And how to protect you and not hurt you. Didn’t want to hurt you, Cass. Not ever.”
Her eyes practically cross. She feeds me another forkful of pie, slightly too big a helping this time. Cherry sauce smears across my lower lip, and her eyes focus and darken as she reaches out and wipes it away with her thumb before bringing it to her own mouth to lick clean.
Just like that, my entire body heats up from the inside out, and I can practically feel the icicles sliding off my beard, turning into a melted puddle.
“Does the beast like cherry pie?”
I shake my head. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just get this feeling sometimes. It’s so…so restless. It tells me that I need to get away. Be away, be on my own, come back here. It’s not about hurting myself. It’s not about torture or going back to that place, and it’s not this dark, nasty thing under my skin, either. It’s just…I don’t know. I just need space to breathe sometimes.”
The fork pauses with another scoop of pie on it, mid-air, a few inches from my face. I lean forward and slide it off using my teeth. Cass’ hand trembles, and this time, she lets the fork rest right in the middle of the pie without digging in for another scoop.
“Okay.”
“What?”
“Okay. I understand that.”
“But you just drove across the country. I left without telling you anything. I was…I knew my granny would be there for you and that she’d keep you safe no matter what. I was going out of my mind, out of my skin. I don’t know. I just…it just kept pounding around in my head. Need space. Need space. Need space. Need air. Need air. Need air. Can’t breathe. Can’t breathe. Can’t breathe. Don’t hurt Cass. Don’t hurt Cass. Don’t hurt Cass. Leave. Leave. Leave. I was going to come back.”
Cass’ face softens, and it’s like a knife to my chest. I can see how much I hurt her, even though I was trying to do the exact opposite. “Your granny told me you would be back. I was just worried. Not that you were gone for good. Not that you didn’t tell me. I mean, yes, I was sad and anxious about that, but I did trust you. I was worried that you were…that this was a lot for you. It is a lot. We’ve known each other for more than a year, but it hasn’t really been knowing. I’m scared too. This is all very…um, I don’t know. I’m trying to remember what I wanted to say in the car, but I can’t now because I’m just so freaking glad you’re okay.”
“You drove across the country.” I’m so amazed that I have to say it again. “I’m more than fucking glad you’re okay.” I want to reach for her, kiss her senselessly, tear her clothes off, and make her mine, but I have zero right to do that. Not right now. Not after I left without an explanation—one I hoped Granny would give to everyone because she’s the one who is good with words, and at the time, I had nothing. I still basically have nothing.
I still feel so, so unworthy of Cass’ light, her kindness, her loyalty, her anything. “I never thought you’d come for me. I thought you’d just hang tight until I had a solution.”
Cass’ nostrils flare. “You don’t need a solution, Lennox. We both could…you know what? All this time, I’ve gone on and on about luck, but screw luck. Screw it right out the door. Maybe even screw being a fighter. Perhaps it’s not about that at all. Maybe it’s about listening to this.” She rests her hand over her heart. “Which is actually this.” She points at her head. “Specifically, the limbic system in the brain. Yeah, I went there. It’s the part that feels emotion. Little known fact, before I switched to business and was a marketing major, I was a psychology major. I thought I knew what I wanted, and it was fascinating, but then I took a marketing class as an elective, and I just knew it was what I’d rather be doing, so I switched. I made that decision and stuck with it, and I’m happy I did.”