Total pages in book: 41
Estimated words: 38741 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 194(@200wpm)___ 155(@250wpm)___ 129(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 38741 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 194(@200wpm)___ 155(@250wpm)___ 129(@300wpm)
“Speaking of which, I meant to tell you something.”
“Oh no-no-no-no-no. It’s Saturday, my down day. I ain’t doing shit.” Every time she starts a statement like that my ass ends up in a sling.
“Colton, grow a pair.” The fuck! She dug into her nasty ice cream with marshmallow shit and rolled her eyes at me.
I dropped down on the bed beside her and braced myself for whatever fuckery she was about to hit me with.
“Fine, what is it that you want now?”
“You need to call your mom.” I sat up and looked at her but her face didn’t tell me shit.
All kidding aside, my parents aren’t as young as they used to be and every little thing sends my ass into a panic these days.
“Why what’s wrong?” I was already reaching for the phone, expecting to hear some off colored shit like one of them had fallen and busted their head open in the shower or some shit. I should’ve known better. Elena’s hippie ass thinks she’s fifty.
“Ma, what’s wrong?” I didn’t even let her get out the hello.
“Oh hi son you finally remembered me? I’m sure Kat told you since last night that I needed to talk to you.”
I’m sure she didn’t because she was trying to get some dick. I eyed her but she was glued to the damn TV with her sniffling shit again.
“I’m sorry ma, I got a little tied up.” What with six kids and all. She found that shit funny for some fucked up reason. “I don’t need to know about your bedroom peccadillos.” This woman.
“Was there something you wanted Elena? You and dad okay? The house still standing?” Mengele gets her penchant for blowing up shit from the pothead so it’s always a toss up on any given day.
“Your dad’s been retired for almost a year now as you know. He’s still doing some consulting but it’s so nice to have my dude all to myself for the most part. That’s what I want to talk to you about. You’ve got to come get this man out of my house.”
“Elena, mom….”
“Uh-uh-uh I don’t want to hear it. Find something for him to do. He’s got way too much free time on his hands and all he does is sit around here smoking and making me nuts.”
What the fuck does she expect me to do with him? And why isn’t she calling one of her daughters on
this shit? I should find a home for both their asses but I know if I even hint at that shit both her and my wife would scalp my ass.
She muttered something that sounded like ‘sex maniac’ but I pretended not to hear that shit because fuck, gross.
“Okay mom I’ll see what I can do.” I don’t know what she’s complaining about because my wife drags the lot of them to my place every chance she gets like I’m running a home or some fuck.
“I’m not playing Colton, between him and Cyrus I don’t know who’s worst. The two of them are always up to something in my backyard, and on the weekends Drake joins them and it’s all I can do to get anything done around here.”
“My friends can’t even walk through the door in peace without your father offering them pot. Our last book club, nobody got anything done because they were all too high.”
I tried not to laugh at this shit, imagining a bunch of seventy year old women high off their asses. I could’ve told her what her husband and Cy were doing in the backyard but why bother.
She’d figure it out soon enough when dad starts drying his grow in her damn kitchen or some shit. “I’ll take care of it.” The fuck am I supposed to do with him?
Kat was trying to pretend she wasn’t listening in, but I’m pretty sure she was partly responsible for this. “That’ll be good. Me, and the girls have a lot to do to get ready for the trips and I can’t have him constantly underfoot.”
“I said I’ll take care of it.” Meanwhile what the fuck is she and her pack planning for my kids? I listened to her gripes for twenty minutes before her husband hustled her off the phone for a reason I don’t think I wanna know.
“What did the two of you already decide that I should do with the pothead?” She did the whole, oh I gotta think about this shit; lying ass.
“Well school is almost out. I was thinking, why don’t we have him come over here and teach Catalina stuff.” Who the fuck is she kidding?
“You know how much she loves spending time with her grandpa, and this way her little mind would stay focused, her teachers all say that’s best.” Pitiful!
I covered my mouth with my hand but I couldn’t hide my shaking shoulders. That got me one of her bitch please glares and a huff. “What’s so funny?”