Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 71497 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71497 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
One last turn had me pulling up to a house that looked more like a wooden gingerbread castle than a cabin in the woods. “What the fuck?”
I had to admit it was prettier than the car guy’s trailer and not as creepy as the alien with the weird garden who looked like a college professor who’d gotten lost in the woods, but fuck if I was going in there without backup. “I’m gonna get eaten like Hansel and Gretel.”
Fucking aliens.
Climbing out of the car, I tried to remind myself that I had to be nice to the aliens no matter how weird they looked. “Glowing flashy eyes are probably rude but not dangerous.”
I hadn’t ended up with special powers or dead yet, so it had to be some kind of I’m pissed species thing. I just wasn’t sure if all the aliens could do it but didn’t because they had better fucking manners.
“Hello?” Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, I didn’t even consider getting closer to the beautiful house.
Unlike some people, I had very good self-preservation instincts even though I was stupidly curious.
“It’s Deputy Winslow from town.” Pausing, I was glad that the front door was open with only a screen door in place, but it didn’t seem to be helping me at the moment. “Can I get a moment of your time?”
Again, silence.
I’d just about decided to head back to the car when a bubbly voice called from somewhere around the back of the house. “I’m coming. I heard you. I just got distracted.”
The voice sounded innocent and excited as it echoed around the yard and made me want to smile for some unknown reason.
Fucking aliens.
But the cheerful voice was getting closer, so as he chattered away, I waited to see who’d come around the corner. “The company I order paint from isn’t making it right anymore and I have to find a new one. I don’t care if the original one is toxic. I’m not eating it.”
Huh?
None of that made enough sense for me to respond as a slim, bouncy man with wide, sparkling eyes came nearly skipping around the side of the house.
If he wasn’t a little, I’d eat my hat or the fucking coffee maker that’d exploded last week.
But something about the bubbly man screamed alien just as obviously as the rest on my list had because his eyes twinkled as he smiled in a definitely not-quite-human way.
Fuckers came in kinky too, damn it.
“Hello, Mr.—”
Before I could even finish a sentence, he smiled and jumped right in like I was adorable. “I’m not Mr. anything. I’m Kenzie. Well, technically it’s Mackenize, but only my mother calls me that.”
He was a cutie.
Nope.
Had to stay focused on stupid shit before I could get to know the little alien.
“It’s nice to meet you, Kenzie.” He didn’t offer his hand for me to shake but that might’ve been because he couldn’t stop wiggling. “I’m just here to introduce myself and to see if you might’ve come across an armored truck full of gold bars.”
Yep, it didn’t get any more logical no matter how many times I said it.
Weirdest fucking job ever.
And just like every other alien, Kenzie didn’t seem to think it was strange at all. He took it very seriously and frowned, bouncing his head back and forth like thinking took wiggles too. “No, I haven’t seen that. I’ve got the cutest antique toy ambulance, though. Do you want to see it?”
How did I get myself into these situations?
Enter the alien’s lair or be rude to the cute little offering to show me his toys?
Fuck.
I was going to end up eaten by an alien just because I was a nice moron. “I’d love to see it. Thank you.”
My stupid decision got a beaming smile from the bouncy alien. “That’s wonderful.”
When he actually reached for me, it was just to grab my hand and tug me to come with him. “It’s new and I can’t wait to show you. I’ve got to figure out how to fix one of the wheels, though.”
His random chatter about broken wheels made more sense than the paint part of his rambling had earlier, and by the time we reached a gingerbread-looking garage, I’d figured out that the paint he was upset about was for the ambulance and was no longer being made to the original specifications.
Old toys needed old paint.
Got it.
“Can you get it specially made?” I had no idea what would be helpful, but it was the first thing that came to mind. “I dated a guy a few years ago who was an artist and he made his own paint. Could something like that work?”
None of the aliens seemed to care that I was gay, so I’d given up expecting anything but complete acceptance from them, and Kenzie the alien little was no surprise. He completely skipped over the I’m gay part of the conversation and beamed at me. “Oh, that’s a very good idea.”