Total pages in book: 30
Estimated words: 27767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 139(@200wpm)___ 111(@250wpm)___ 93(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 27767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 139(@200wpm)___ 111(@250wpm)___ 93(@300wpm)
I need to get away, if only for a moment, from the crushing reality of the positive test, the shattered trust, and my own conflicted emotions.
I leave the bathroom, needing distance from the test. Back on the futon, I pick up my phone, seeing that it’s buzzing with Brian's relentless calls. I guess he’s noticed that I left then. My mind races with thoughts of him—the affection we shared, the tenderness he once showed me. But now, those memories are tainted by the image of his son's bruised face and the knowledge of his violence.
The phone's incessant buzzing intensifies, a reminder of the storm awaiting me. My hands shake as I power it off, silencing Brian's desperate attempts to reach me. I'm not ready to face him yet, not until I can sort through my own feelings…and make my own plan.
A sob catches in my throat as I collapse onto the futon. The tears come unbidden, streaming down my cheeks like a river of despair. I'm torn between the longing for the man I thought I knew and the horror of his actions. How can I still want to be with him after what he did?
Deep inside, a part of me clings to the idea of being with Brian for the rest of my life. The room feels stifling, the walls closing in on me. I need air, space, a moment to breathe without the weight of Brian's actions pressing down on my chest.
I grapple with my emotions, the love I once felt warring with the reality of Brian's violence. I want to believe in the goodness I saw in him, the tenderness he showed me. But can I ever trust him again?
At least I still have this apartment. The room feels like a cocoon, a place where I can hide until I’m ready to face reality again.
That is, until my sanctuary shatters when the door bursts open, and Brian stands there, his face etched with worry and panic. "Blair, are you okay?" he breathes, his voice laced with desperation.
I look up, my eyes swollen from tears, and manage a weak nod. "Physically, I'm fine," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. Mentally and emotionally, though, I'm shattered.
"Why did you run?" he demands, his voice rising with frustration. "I've told you before, you're mine. You can't just run and hide whenever you're upset. It's unacceptable."
His possessiveness, once something that thrilled me on so many levels, feels soured now.
"Unacceptable?" I snap, my anger breaking through the cracks of my despair. "Unacceptable is what you did to Tanner! How could you hurt your own son like that? How can I trust you, Brian?"
His face darkens, his eyes flashing with a mix of anger and guilt. "You don't understand, Blair. Tanner was out of control. I had to—"
"You had to what?" I interrupt, my voice trembling with a mixture of fury and hurt. "Hit him? Is that your solution to everything? Violence?"
My words hang heavy in the air, the truth of them echoing between us. Brian's jaw clenches, and for a moment, I see a flicker of remorse in his eyes. But it's quickly replaced by stubborn defiance.
"He's my son, Blair. I know what's best for him," he retorts, his voice strained.
"I just can’t believe that you hit him!”
"Fuck, Blair. He didn’t have an ounce of remorse for what he did to you!" Brian blocks the doorway of my shitty efficiency apartment, refusing to let me leave. "And this…this is how you want to resolve things? Coming to hide out in this hell hole? You. Aren't. Leaving. Me."
Right this moment, I feel ungrateful. Ungrateful for all the beautiful things Brian has done for me, ungrateful for how kind and caring he's been even when it goes against his nature.
And ungrateful for the feelings that he so clearly has for me, and that I return in kind. Do I love Brian? I've asked myself this question over and over, and the part that scares me is that from the very beginning, I've thought that yes, I do. I do love him.
Tears well in my eyes, and I try to swallow past the lump in my throat. Oh, god. I didn't come back to this old apartment because I was scared of Brian. I came back because I was afraid of how much I loved him after such a short time.
And because I'm scared of the positive pregnancy test sitting on my bathroom counter right now. But I'll have to deal with that later.
"Brian," I gasp, the tears starting to roll down my face. "I'm sorry."
All of his anger bleeds out in an instant, and he's right in front of me, cupping my face and brushing my tears away with his thumbs. "Blair, no. I shouldn't have yelled. Just the thought of you running from me had me so angry…"