Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
She’s my soul mate, something I always knew and believed, and I’m hers, but in this lifetime, I’d harmed her grievously. We used to joke that we’d known each other before in another place and time, maybe even more than once. And in each of those lifetimes, we’d always found each other.
It’s one of those things we used to tease each other about, but I knew she believed it just as I did. And knowing that makes this even worst. Now she clung to me as if she’d missed me when I should be the one down on my knees begging for forgiveness.
“I’m sorry for everything that I put you through.” The words just came on their own as if from my soul.
“Ryder….”
“No, let me say this. I’m not only talking about my latest screw-up but all of it. You were right, I was a piece of shit even before the whole scam marriage thing, and it’s because I was such a fuck up that these people were able to use me to hurt you. I’ll never forgive them for that, so how can I forgive myself?”
“You don’t know.” Her voice was sad when she asked.
“Don’t know what?” She pulled back and looked up at me, and I saw the sadness in her eyes for the first time. “What is it? Did something happen while I was gone? Who hurt you?”
“No, it’s nothing like that; everyone here is fine; they’ve been more than welcoming and kind.”
“So, why do you have that look in your eyes?”
“Come with me; we need to talk.” Dreaded words that no man wants to hear, but the way she held my hand and walked me inside put me at ease. It shouldn’t have.
I grew alarmed as soon as she sat me down on one of the chairs in the sitting room off the master suite and sat in front of me on another, and took both my hands in hers. Then she told me the wildest shit I’ve ever heard. “Do you hear what you’re saying?” Why was this weirder than everything else I’d heard today? Why was this more unbelievable than the fact that everyone I know had had a hand in destroying my life?
“I know it sounds weird. I didn’t want to believe it either. But ever since I had that talk with Char, I’ve done nothing but think. I went over everything, including the interviews you did when you first got married, and I saw it.”
“What interviews? What’re you talking about?”
“There’s a lot of them. I thought at first that you were high, but when I looked into your eyes, you weren’t there. I’ve seen you high before, that wasn’t it. It was like looking into the eyes of someone else. It scared me seeing it now, and it was five years ago. I’m so sorry, Ryder. I should’ve been there. I didn’t know what they had done to you. I was so stupid.”
“No-no-no, none of this is on you. This is on them and me but never you. You have no blame here. Do you understand me?” She nodded her head, but that sadness was still there in her eyes, tearing a new hole in my gut.
“Come ’ere.” I pulled her onto my lap and held her close, just breathing her in and being extremely thankful that I could be here with her like this again. For as long as I live, I’ll never want or need anything else again, just as long as I can have my love in my arms like this.
“There’s one other thing.”
“There’s more? What more could those monsters have done?”
“Your mom agreed to the wedding.”
“What? What are you saying?” I held her away from me to look into her face.
“I think they convinced her somehow that it was what was best for you and your career.”
“My mom chose someone over you! My mother! That doesn’t make any sense. My mother loves you like her own.”
“I know, I know, so you can just imagine what they told her to get her to agree.”
“But my mother doesn’t even like Janie.”
“Yes, maybe because she realized after the fact that something was not right.”
“She didn’t say anything the last time we spoke; she didn’t let on.”
“How could she? She’s a mom. It must’ve been hard for her to realize what she’d done, but you know she loves you, and she would only have done it if they’d convinced her that it was the right thing to do.”
I couldn’t even remember what was going on in my life back then. Just like now, I had a PR team who handled almost everything in my life. I knew now that they were in cahoots with Mary and the others, but there was so much I didn’t know about.
Looks like I’m gonna have to do a deep dive into my past after all.