Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Saffie didn’t meet my eyes. She stared into the woods, her body not moving. I opened my mouth to speak, when Saffie finally looked at me. And the sight fucking destroyed me. Tears shined in her eyes, her lips parted, and she drew in a stuttered breath. She stepped back, blood draining from her face. And the gaze that had always been able to read me, regarded me like I was a fucking stranger. A cleaver wouldn’t have done as good of a job as cutting open my heart as Saffie’s expression of betrayal did right now. Her hands trembled so badly at her sides that she had to curl them into fists just to gain some control. Then she turned on her heel and rushed into the cabin.
The pain that the coke had masked returned with the force of a Mack truck. Her face. Her fucking face. The tears, the fucking trembling hands. I looked from AK’s cabin, then to Flame’s. I couldn’t go in either. Forcing my feet to move, I ran to Viking’s cabin and hammered on the door.
He flung it open, throwing on a t-shirt as he did. “What? Is it Flame?”
“Can I crash here tonight?” I asked. I waited for his fucking jokes, but Viking’s eyebrows pulled down. He opened the door wider and I rushed inside.
“Ash—”
“I need a shower?” I said, pushing my hands through my hair and down my face.
“Through there,” he pointed to the bathroom. I went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I turned on the shower to ‘hot’ and let the steam fill the room. I couldn’t stand still. Saffie’s face haunted my mind. I slammed my fists against my skull, but I still saw her eyes, the fucking betrayal as the slut put her hand in my hair, then spoke from her whore mouth to a motherfucking angel. I tore off my clothes and jumped into the shower.
Taking the washcloth in the shower, I began to scrub my skin, fucking scrubbing the slut’s touch from my skin. I hadn’t been fucked before. I hadn’t even been kissed. The last person to touch me was my poppa. I tried to push all memories from my head. It should have been Saffie. I’d wanted it to be Saffie. But I knew I would destroy her, like I destroyed everything else. I was fucked up. Blood ran down the drain. I glanced down and saw I had opened the wounds on my body, bandages gathering into a heap on the tiles. But I kept scrubbing them. Flame thought I had flames in my blood, like him. Demons. Maybe I did. They were tormenting me too.
Bend over, Asher… my poppa’s voice whispered in my ear. I spun around and slammed my back into the shower’s wall, trying to get away from him. No one knew. I never told anyone. No one fucking knew. I’d told Flame he hadn’t raped me. Poppa had never stuck his cock in my ass… but he’d done other things… other fucked up, painful things. But the others… Flame didn’t know. Maddie didn’t know. I’d kept it to myself. All the things he’d done, I’d always kept to myself.
I scraped at my skin, trying to get the slut’s touch from my body, my poppa’s poisonous hands. Trying to get rid of the look of betrayal from Saffie’s eyes. “I’m not good enough for you,” I spoke to the shower, fucking praying it’d make its way to Saffie in her cabin. “I was never good enough. Not after what he’d done to me. After what they’d all done…” The fight drained from my body, but I stayed on the shower floor until it had run cold.
“Ash? You doing good in there?” Viking’s voice cut through the numbness that had overtaken me.
“Yeah,” I managed to call back. Making myself stand, I left the shower stall and wrapped myself in a towel. Blood seeped from my chest. I saw myself in the mirror. I turned away in disgust. I didn’t know the person who was looking back. I fucking hated this cunt. Hated everything he was.
I opened the door, holding my clothes in my arms. Viking was waiting, huge arms folded across his chest, as he waited by the kitchen counter. “Shit, Ash,” he said and reached for his cell phone. “I’m calling Rider.”
“Don’t,” I begged, and Viking looked up. “I’ll take care of it myself.”
Viking walked over. He stared down at me. He was a fucking giant. “He’ll be okay, you know. Madds will bring him back. She did it before. She can do it again. When it comes to Flame, that bitch is a miracle worker.” Viking’s jaw clenched. I felt my fucking walls of numbness crumbling. I didn’t want to feel again. I needed the numbness. I craved numbness. I didn’t want to feel... ever again. I was sick and tired of feeling life. If it was hard to live, it was fucking torture to feel.