Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 117574 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 588(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117574 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 588(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
I gasp. “That’s what we’ll do now! We’ll do as many shows as we can before 11:59 tonight and get you the rest of the money you need!”
Auggie sighs. “You’re sweet to want to help, but—"
“No buts allowed. We can do this, Auggie. You have five grand, so all we need is fifteen grand more in, what, . . . eight hours? We can do that if we put our minds to it and tell our fans we’re in a pinch and need their generous help today. We’ll tell Tessa, sorry, you need to take an Uber home, and then we’ll go back to your place and get to work.”
“What about the dogs?”
“Shit. Okay, we’ll go back to Tessa’s and feed them now and leave them there. I’ll text Tessa and let her know we were there recently but we need them to watch both dogs for us tonight and all next week. She won’t mind.” My adrenaline is pumping now. “We’ll make it like a telethon for our audience—with a countdown clock and a graphic showing us getting closer and closer to our goal. We’ll say we need to make twenty grand by midnight tonight, or—”
“Fifteen. I’ve got five.”
“No, we’ll say twenty, and hope we get fifteen. If we get twenty, even better. Then you’ll have some money for expenses, while you try to figure out the rest.” I grab his hand. “This is going to work, Auggie. Our fans will come through for us.”
“Your optimism is infectious, I admit; but the fact remains we’ve never made that much in a single day, let alone eight hours.”
“No negativity allowed!” I shriek. “Yes, it’ll be a steep climb. But I think our fans will come through for us. They’ll pay to watch us doing all sorts of zany things, one after another, to help us reach a specific goal. We can ask for pledges for this and that thing, and once each thing reaches a grand in pledges, we’ll do it!”
“Love it.”
“We’ll ask our superfans to lead the charge on pledges—you know, Lucille1990, Catfish2000, and all the other high rollers in the VIP club. God as my witness, Auggie Vaughn, we’ll get the money you need in time.”
Auggie’s face is lit up. “Well, first off, I truly hope God isn’t witnessing any of this. And second off, fuck yeah, baby, count me in.”
“Woohoo!” I grab Auggie’s face and kiss him fervently, and then release him with equal enthusiasm and pull out my phone. I log into our account and start scrolling through past videos and comments to see what we might have missed. “Aha! Here’s something to get us started! Four days ago, Lucille1990 said she’d pay five hundred bucks to watch you get your dick pierced!”
Auggie’s jaw drops. “I’m not going get my dick pierced! Fuck no. Especially not for five hundred measly bucks.”
“Would you do it for a thousand bucks . . . per piercing?”
“What?” Auggie shouts, looking distressed.
I chuckle. “I’m sure people will add to Lucille’s initial five hundred bucks to get us to a thousand a pop. We’ll message her to see if she’ll pay five hundred bucks per piercing and help us get our telethon rocking and rolling.”
“Back up, Charlotte. Per piercing? How many piercings are you expecting me to get in my dick?”
I laugh. “You wouldn’t get all of them yourself, silly. I’d get some, too. Why not? We wouldn’t have to keep them in, if we don’t like them. We’d make it clear they’re paying to watch us get pierced, repeatedly, not to ensure we stay that way forever.”
Auggie looks incredulous.
“It’s really not as big a deal as you’re thinking.” I smirk. “This is confidential, but Ryan’s got a dick piercing, and he seems perfectly fine and functional.”
“Ryan’s dick is pierced?”
“Both nipples, too.” I giggle at Auggie’s flabbergasted reaction. “Tessa loves Ryan’s piercings, especially on his dick. She told me its sole purpose is to get her off, and she said it’s extremely effective. It gives her orgasms during intercourse, repeatedly, like clockwork.
“What. The. Fuck?” Auggie looks shell-shocked. “Are you bullshitting me? You’re telling me this stuff to convince me to—"
“No, it’s the God’s truth. I swear it on Lucky. On Zach and Claire, too.”
He winces. “It feels very wrong to bring the kids into this, babe.”
“Whoops. You’re right. Scratch that. The point is I’ll swear on whatever or whomever you want, because it’s all the truth. I think you must be imagining something way scarier than what I’m talking about. It’s not Ryan’s tip that’s pierced. There’s no little scaffolding that goes up his shaft. He’s got a piercing at the base of his dick. Like, you know, where his dick meets his torso?”
“You’ve seen Ryan’s piercing?”
“No, no, not on Ryan. I saw it on the internet. In a photo Tessa showed me. Hang on.” There’s a famous rockstar who split his pants onstage several years ago, at which time the entire world found out he’s got the exact same kind of piercing as Ryan “Captain” Morgan. Tessa showed me the photo of the rockstar when she told me about her then-fiancé’s sexy secret over a bottle of wine during her bachelorette weekend.