Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 76812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 384(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 384(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
"I think you need to tell these things to the people back in Ohio."
"I'll go to prison," I whisper.
"Doing things under duress and doing them because it's your idea aren't the same thing, baby."
His voice is calm, and although I don't detect judgment in his tone, I know it has to be there. I loved Sonia. I looked at her as a mother and, honestly, she was much more attentive to me than my real mother had been, yet I did nothing to protect her. I wasn't brave enough to step up and take that punishment. I've always been a coward, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.
"There isn't a jury around that would ever fault someone for doing what they had to do to stay alive."
I know he believes what he's saying is true, but my reality is different. If Nathan couldn't get to me himself, he has ways of getting to me no matter where he's at. I can't even trust everyone under this roof because everyone has their price. It's possible that Nathan could even get to Beck. Beck may fight long and hard against hurting me under the threat of his own death, but being offered money is a much different game.
The thought of the man I'm lying against being the one to slit my throat makes me weep even more. He might want to protect me now, but money always talks. It opens every single door, and Nathan wouldn't bat an eye at handing over a couple of million dollars to ensure I don't testify against him in court. If my own guilt lands me on the opposite side of the law, he'd pay a jury to convict me as quickly as he'd pay someone in prison to kill me.
Beck doesn't understand the man the way I do. There's no escaping his wrath. All of his enemies fall at his feet. The only difference with me is that he wants to do it himself. He'd only outsource the job if it becomes a hundred percent impossible for him.
My safety at any place isn't guaranteed, and that's something I'll have to live with.
I know my time is limited, and it's up to me to do with it as much as I can.
I feel like a fraud challenging Beck and his willingness to protect me when I know just how weak I am. I can't confess the things I've seen because I'm trying to save myself, trying to last in this world as long as I can, despite the numerous attempts I've made to end it. I have a strong will to live and, unfortunately, that comes at others' expenses.
"He terrifies me," I whisper.
"You're safe here," he vows.
If only I could trust his words.
Chapter 21
Newton
I feel like a coward, leaving her alone in the bed before the sun even came up, but her fear of Nathan Adair had the power to bring up all sorts of shit from my childhood.
I know her struggle. I lived some of the same things. I know what it's like to regret being a coward, to watch someone get hurt and do nothing to stop it.
The coffee running down the back of my throat tastes like battery acid and the second it hits my stomach, it threatens to make a reappearance.
"You're looking like me right now," Hemlock growls when he walks into the dark kitchen.
I don't acknowledge the man. He isn't speaking to me because he wants to have a conversation, and I'm not foolish enough to think he's concerned about my mental health.
"Nothing to say?" he snaps as his ass hits the chair he always occupies in the morning.
"Do you really give a shit?" I snap back, my eyes trained in his direction.
He shakes his head as he lifts his cup to his mouth. I've sat here for ten minutes, waiting for my coffee to cool down enough to drink, and this psycho motherfucker just guzzles it like it’s cold water.
“No,” he spits, chuckling when I look away.
I know what the man is capable of, but I also know that he’s here for a reason. Still, it’s hard to trust Kincaid’s judgment when I’ve seen this man operate. He’s soulless, eyes empty and void of any feelings at all. It makes me second-guess his commitment to the entire reason why Cerberus exists.
We don’t speak to each other again, but before long, others come into the kitchen, and the mood begins to shift from dark and dreary to anticipatory.
We have a meeting scheduled this morning, and although it hasn't been confirmed, I think it may be a new mission we're scheduled to go out on.
A week ago, I would've probably lied about my wrist still hurting in order to stay back at the clubhouse. After Brielle's confessions and the memories they brought back to life, I don't know if I can stay here with her much longer.