Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
He shakes his head as if waving away that line of thought. “I keep digressing. That’s not what I’m trying to tell you at all. What I’m trying to tell you is that when I found out that I was angry like my father, that was the day I was really born. Me. The kid who grew up to be the man you know now. The Cold Thorn. With his legendary control and coldness. His heart, his insides buried under six feet of ice. And I was born this way because that day I promised myself that even though I share this abhorrent trait with my dad, I will never become like him. I will never give in to my anger. I will never succumb to my baser emotions. I promised, you understand. So slowly, day by day, I built my life around my promise. I built my life where I’d have absolute control over everything. I designed my own cage with my ironclad rules and a rigid structure. I did things that were safe. I distanced myself from the ones that weren’t. And honestly, I thought it was a great decision. I thought it was the right decision. I thought no one would ever find out my secret. No one would ever know that a monster lived among them. No would ever get hurt. I would never hurt anyone. But I was wrong.”
“Wrong?” I whisper and I don’t know how I do that.
Because I think my insides are clenched so tight, my throat is clenched so tight that I can hardly breathe let alone make words.
I’m a tight, tight ball of bones and muscles.
A tight ball of emotions.
“It wasn’t the right decision.”
“W-Why?”
He swallows thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Because I ended up hurting you.”
My heart thuds. “You…”
“I kept everyone safe around me,” he says, his burning eyes going back and forth between mine. “I protected everyone from me and my demons. And while that was important. What was more important, what was the most important thing to me, I failed at that. I failed at protecting you. I failed at protecting the one person who…”—he swallows again—"saw me.”
I have to bring my hands down and grab the sheets.
I have to press my spine against the pillows for support as I whisper, “Saw you?”
“In the dark.”
“At the p-party that night?”
“Yeah,” he says. “But also, you’re the first person, the only person, to actually see me. Ever.”
He ducks his head for a second as if gathering himself and I take the time to slow down my breaths. I take the time to prepare myself for his next words.
Because I know they’re important.
And I know they’re going to hurt.
Both him and me.
“And that’s because I’ve always been in the dark. I’ve always been in the cold too. Ever since I was five. And I wanted it that way. I wanted to stay hidden. I wanted to be kept a secret. Monsters are always kept behind closed doors, aren’t they? They’re thrust down in the basement and left there to die. So that’s what I wanted. But you came and you opened the door. You came and you switched on the light. And you found me. You saw me in that dark room. You discovered me. And I don’t know how you did that.
“To this day I wonder how you could see me when no one else could. When I made it so that no one else could. But then again, maybe I shouldn’t bother wondering because you’re Isadora Agni Holmes. Agni means fire, doesn’t it? You’re the girl who can melt winter. You’re the girl who melted me. You’re the element of nature. Without you the world won’t function as it should. So it would make sense that you’d see me, wouldn’t it?”—he breathes out—“And when you meet someone like that, someone like you, it also makes sense that the life as you know it would change. The life as you know it would end. So I brought you here, Dora, because I’d like to bring my life full circle and end it. In this room where it all began.”
What does that mean?
What does he mean?
What…
“Because I don’t want a life where I end up hurting you. Where I end up making you cry. Not once, not twice. But over and over. I don’t want a life where I fail to protect you. Where I fail to keep you safe. And so I brought you here so I can end my old life and start a new one,” he explains. “A new life. A real life. A life that I build around you.”
“Me?”
Determination lines every feature of his face. It lines every angle and expanse of his body, his shoulders, his chest. Even his fists that are tightly clenched at his side. Even those thighs that are already arranged in a battle stance.