Total pages in book: 40
Estimated words: 37217 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 186(@200wpm)___ 149(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 37217 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 186(@200wpm)___ 149(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
“So, are you about to take off?” she asks brightly.
“Apparently, I’m going to have to stick around and have one of these milkshakes to see if you’ve got good taste or you’re just blowing smoke.”
“Good idea,” she says with a sultry smile and a twinkle in her eye.
The waitress comes by and takes our order. As she eats and I drink my shake, Cami and I talk about everything and nothing in particular. I learn a lot about her. She’s incredibly intelligent and has a wicked, sometimes dark sense of humor that really meshes with mine. There’s a natural chemistry between us that I can’t deny, and the more I learn about Cami, the more I find myself wanting all of her. Not as a hook-up. Not as a girlfriend. But as my wife. Jesus, what’s going on with me?
I’m enjoying the time we’re spending together, and as she finishes up her meal, I find that I’m not ready for the evening to end.
“You’re looking good in practice,” she says.
“Not sure it’s going to matter,” I reply glumly. “I’m getting the feeling Coach B is pretty set on starting Ryder this season. Hell, maybe he’s right and I just shouldn’t fight it anymore.”
She looks at me, her eyes narrow, an inscrutable expression on her face.
“What?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I just didn’t think you were the sort who wallowed in self-pity.”
“There’s a difference between self-pity and acknowledging reality. At this stage of my career, the staff feels I’m more of a mentor rather than a player. They want me to groom and guide the kid and show him how to be a pro QB.”
“From what I’ve seen, you’ve still got the goods.”
“Then I think you should be setting the depth chart.”
“So, that’s it? You’re just going to give up and accept sitting on the bench?”
“What else am I going to do?”
“Fight,” she says simply. “Fight for your spot.”
“What do you think I’ve been doing?”
“Aside from wallowing in self-pity?” she asks with a sly grin.
“And what would you have me do, Cami?”
“I would have you force Coach B to sit up and take notice. I’d have you show him you still have some good football left in you—because you do, Carter. I would have you show him you are the better choice atop the depth chart and show him that starting Ryder would be a mistake. He has talent, I can’t say otherwise. But he doesn’t have the maturity to lead this team anywhere. Starting him now would be a mistake that could set the franchise back years. He would benefit from sitting on the bench for a season or two and learning from you.”
“That is a fantastic speech and I agree with the sentiment wholeheartedly. Unfortunately for us, neither one of us is setting the depth chart.”
“Wow. I never once thought of you as somebody who’d quit when things got tough. Color me more than a little disappointed.”
A wry grin crosses my lips. “Yeah, well, I guess I seem to be making a habit of disappointing people these days.”
“I’m shocked, Carter. I thought you were a competitor and somebody who never quit. Your relentlessness was always something I admired.”
“Maybe I’m just tired of having to fight so hard to prove myself.”
“I seem to recall you saying once that being a pro football player, you’ve got to prove yourself every single day, on and off the field,” she says. “You also said you would never back down from that challenge, and you’d keep playing with that chip on your shoulder to the bitter end of your career and that you’d always go down fighting.”
I laugh softly. “That was from an interview a long time ago. Your memory is kind of scary.”
She looks down for a minute and shakes her head. I can see the disappointment etched into her face and feel a stab of guilt pierce my heart. Weirdly enough, knowing she’s disappointed in me cuts me deeply. For some reason, even though we barely know one another, Cami’s opinion of me matters.
We seem to have really connected, and perhaps because of that, I find myself caring about what she thinks of me. The fact that she recalls something I said years ago at this point tells me she feels that connection too… had probably felt it even before I did.
As I look at her, I feel a fire ignite in my belly. The warmth from those flames spread outward, flowing through my veins and running through my entire body. That fire fills me with a heat that’s been missing from my life for a long time. It’s been missing for so long that I’m only just now feeling its absence.
In that moment, I realize that I’ve simply been going through the motions and playing out the string on my career. I know now that I’ve just been marking time and waiting for the end of my career to come.