Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Now?
Well, now all bets were off.
JJ might have learned how to play mind games in the time since we’d first been forced back into each other’s worlds, but he was forgetting one very important detail.
I was an Ashby.
And no one knew how to manipulate the strings of a marionette better than an Ashby. I might not have been proud of learning the tactic just by watching my family do it, but JJ didn’t need to know that.
My facade just needed to last longer than his and then I’d be able to get him away from me. JJ might have some powerful weapons in his arsenal, but I had the most important one. Ironically, it was the only weapon he could use to bring me to my knees, but his own refusal to see it would be his downfall, and he’d walk away from it and me with no clue how close he’d come to breaking me for good.
His victory would only happen if he figured out I still loved him. Past, present, future JJ—it didn’t matter. I loved all of them and always would.
All I had to do was keep that one little fact from him and I’d be able to get him to the place where we’d both finally be safe.
Away from me.
CHAPTER 22
Jj
There was no mistaking the look in Cass’s eyes the second I’d turned the tables on him. I had him—my Cass—where I needed him. I hated the game we were about to engage in, but I needed him back in the state of mind he’d been experiencing in the bathroom when he’d made his heartbreaking admission. The last thing I wanted to do was put him through more pain, but if I didn’t take this one chance, there’d be no future for us.
I hadn’t planned on asking him to take me to his place, but seeing the defeat in Cass’s frame as he’d hung over that sink had torn me to shreds. I’d just wanted a chance to undo some of the hurt I’d inflicted both at the cabin and the park’s bathroom. Once again, the first thing I’d done when I’d jumped to the conclusion that he’d been mocking me for my extreme reaction to him not kissing me had been to escape. While I’d watched Cass’s behavior after his startling admission that he didn’t want to lose me for a third time, an ember of hope had begun to burn inside of me. What if there was a chance that he could feel something for the man I was rather than the one I’d been before a bullet had changed everything? The things I’d wanted to say—and there were a lot of them—were things he’d deserved to hear in any place other than a foul, dirty bathroom with the threat of my brother or his men showing up at any moment.
I knew Cass hadn’t intended to admit his inability to lose me for a third time, but ironically, they’d been the words I’d needed to hear to be sure of everything. There was still a landfill’s worth of shit between us that needed to be dealt with, but between his words and the vulnerability he’d tried to hide from me after I’d once again gone batshit crazy on him, I’d finally been able to solidify many of the emotions that had held me hostage for two long years.
Cass could have easily let me flee that bathroom thinking he’d rejected me because he’d finally accepted that I wasn’t his JJ or that my past behavior with strange men and reckless sex had disgusted him more than he’d been willing to admit.
Instead, he’d kept me there and taken all the internal rage and despair I’d thrown at him, both physically and verbally, until he’d had me in a place where I’d had no choice but to hear him.
To really hear him.
If I’d been a better man, I would have let him go at that point. I would have quietly stood and walked out of the bathroom as he’d gotten the paper towels wet, presumably so he could wash my face. But that single look he’d given me in the mirror’s reflection had told me everything I’d needed to know.
Cass still wanted me.
He’d seen me at my worst in every possible way and yet he still wanted me. Did he love me? The me that I was now? The me who still couldn’t remember the first time Cass had touched me when he’d returned home from his final deployment? The touch he’d wished had never happened?
I couldn’t answer those questions. As afraid as I was of the answers, they weren’t what I wanted now.
What I wanted was to put Cass first for a change.
The man had spent weeks putting my needs above his own. My physical well-being, safety, and emotional needs had been his only priority, but I hadn’t been strong enough to do the same for him.