Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 88293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Before I could say anything, Hawke was lowering himself to Matty’s level, but he didn’t say anything. A part of me feared that he wasn’t really seeing my son, but that disappeared when he pulled Matty gently into his arms. I noticed that he was careful not to put too much pressure against the place where the central line was located. Hawke whispered something into Matty’s ear and then carefully lifted him into his arms. He held Matty with one arm and then drew me forward into another hug. A big sigh escaped his lips and his whole body seemed to relax as he held Matty and me close and I smiled because I knew no matter what, we’d figure the rest out.
Together.
***
“Is he asleep?” I asked when Hawke entered the bedroom. I was standing near the window that overlooked the open fields that surrounded the house, but it was so dark that I couldn’t see a thing. There wasn’t even a single light from a neighboring property.
“Yeah,” Hawke said as he closed the door behind him. I couldn’t explain why I was suddenly so nervous. Probably because Hawke and I hadn’t had a chance to talk after he’d kissed me in the driveway. It had been close to dinner time when we’d arrived at Hawke’s place and since he hadn’t had enough food to feed everyone, we’d driven into town and eaten at a family style restaurant. Hawke had sat between me and Matty and while he’d held my hand beneath the table the entire time we hadn’t been eating, he’d spent most of his time talking to Matty. Or listening, rather. Matty had talked almost nonstop about everything that had happened to him while he’d been in the hospital and had proudly showed off his little bald head and his central line. Then the discussion had turned to Matty’s newest obsession with the X-Men superheroes that Ronan and Seth had introduced him to. And throughout it all, Hawke had done more than just listened. He’d asked Matty endless questions and heaped so much praise on my little boy for how brave he was, that I’d felt my love for Hawke go to a whole new level, something I wouldn’t have even thought possible.
It had been late by the time we’d left and while Seth, Ronan and Mav had gone to the motel they’d booked, there’d been no question about where Matty and I would be staying. Matty hadn’t even put up much of a fuss when he’d realized Bullet would be going with Seth and Ronan. Once we’d arrived back at Hawke’s place, I’d given Matty a bath while Hawke had prepared the bedroom next to his for Matty. The pink walls had led me to suspect it was his wife’s childhood room, but I hadn’t been brave enough to ask Hawke. He’d opened a window to get the room aired out and I’d heard him feverishly vacuuming during the nearly hour Matty spent in the tub. There hadn’t been even a speck of dust that I could see when I’d finally led Matty into the room. Hawke had joined us, Spiderman doll in hand, and had thanked Matty for gifting him with the doll to catch bad guys. He’d glossed over Matty’s questions about whether he’d caught the bad guys and had sat on the bed to watch as I’d given Matty his meds and changed the dressing on his central line. He’d ended up asking several questions as I’d worked. And when Matty had insisted that Hawke was the one to read him his bedtime story, Hawke had readily agreed and I’d been dismissed.
“He told me I should get a dog,” Hawke said as he came up to me and stood at my back. His arms went around me and his lips settled against the pulse point at my neck. “I told him I’d talk to you about it.”
“It’s your decision,” I said with a laugh.
Hawke turned me in his arms. “It’s our decision, Tate,” he said firmly. “I want us to be a family.”
I swallowed hard as my throat closed up. But I must have been quiet for too long because Hawke dropped his arms. “You don’t want that, do you? This was just a visit-”
I grabbed Hawke and kissed him to shut him up. His fingers were biting into my upper arms where he was holding on to me when I released him and I whispered, “I want it. God, I want that so badly.”
Hawke let out a rush of air and then he was wrapping his arms around me. “I missed you so much.”
“Me too.”
He pulled back enough so that he could look at me. “The stuff I said about not seeing you-”
I shook my head and placed my fingers over his lips. “I know you do,” I said. “You never have to hide her from us, Hawke. You never have to hurt by yourself when you think of her or your little boy. You can share them with us as much or as little as you want.”