Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
He gave a quick nod and wave, then took an empty seat on the far-right corner in the first row. As he looked around the classroom full of colorful letters and numbers, charts, and children with smiles on their faces, some of his old memories of when he was a little boy in class came rushing back to him. Nausea reared its head.
“He’s tall! I want him on my basketball team!” a little red-headed boy yelled, causing rolling laughter.
He smiled at the boy who’d spoken, then made a swooshing noise as he pretended to dunk a ball in the air. Once the class settled down, Desiree started to talk about herself, and her life.
He stretched his arms and legs as she got deeper into her spiel. Minutes ticked by, and his chest tightened. He zoned out, but each time she said something about her personal experience with her father, the PG rated version for young ears, he felt a sharp pain in his heart. Clasping his hands together, he lowered his head, and silently prayed.
God, please get me through this. My girl told me all of this, everything that happened, but it’s just too much for me right now. I can’t deal with this today. I know what she does at these schools, so why I agreed to this is beyond me. I guess I wanted to prove to her that I could be there for her, but at what cost? She’s so calm talkin’ about it, even throwing humor in there, but ain’t shit funny. She’s good at this. I see why she does it, and I understand why people from all over the city call her to come speak on it. She’s really good at expressing herself, being real but gentle with her delivery… while still getting her point across.
When I asked her why she’d subject herself to talking about this shit over and over again, she said it is therapeutic for her, too. Regardless, I have things in my head that she told me, that I can never forget, and to know she was in that much pain kills me. How can someone’s own father ruin a child’s innocence like that? I’m not a daddy, but I know that if I ever created life, I’d protect that life with my own. He created her… that was half of him, and he…. he… God! What kind of sick fuck does that shit?! I just want to run out of here. I want to leave, but I can’t.
I can’t do her like that. First, it was her father. Then it was her baby daddy, and a bunch of other guys after him that she was with that did ’er wrong, too. By the time I stepped to her, she was over it. I didn’t expect to fall in love with her, but I did. I’m stuck. I’m not mentally stable enough for this woman. Period. I can’t be someone I’m not, because the real me will always emerge. I’m a monster. I’m out for blood right now, and I don’t want her to get hurt in the process. It hurts to admit that to myself, but it’s true. I’m shattered. Torn up. I’m a human puzzle and pieces of me are scattered all over the floor. I can’t give pure love, ’cause I’ve never experienced it before. Until now…
“…And there were other behaviors, too. The bottom line is, it’s not your fault. Silence makes it worse. Shutting down and pushing your loved ones and friends away makes it worse. That’s what they want. For your support system to be gone. For you to keep your mouth shut…” She went on, and on, and he began to sweat, though it was rather cool in the room. After about twenty minutes or so, she was finally finished. He sighed with relief. She answered some questions, and he looked at each child who raised their hand, wondering this and that. When it was all said and done, he stood to his feet and forced a smile.
As they exited the classroom, he met her gaze and fell in love all over again. She takes my breath away. With her, he lost complete control of his emotions. Every time he looked into her eyes, she pulled at his heart.
“You look nice today,” he complimented her.
“Thank you.”
She wore a yellow blazer and a black dress beneath it, with a yellow belt around her waist. Some designer purse swung on her arm, and her thick deeply waved hair was parted on one side, swaying each time she took a step in her black heels. She smelled so damn good, and he liked her makeup. A little bit of lipstick and eyeliner. Not too much. Just right.
“…So when they called me at the last minute, I had no issue coming.” She kept on speaking to him as they walked out of the school, explaining the process of these types of speaking engagements and how she’d landed this opportunity. He’d respond, but his mind was far, far away. His heart was right beside her though, and his body craved her. “So… you want me to follow you back to your place now?” she asked as they exited the school, the sun practically blinding him.