Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“In fact, nobody from child services came to talk to me at all. And even if they tried, I would have fought ’cause my fuckin’ sister was STILL in there, and I was gonna be damned if I let them get a hold of ’er too! My father abandoned us ’cause he wanted a new life. I love children, they are amazing, but I told you I won’t have any of my own because this world is sick, and I’m afraid of causing them the same pain that was done to me! Abandonment! My brother fell out of an apartment building window and died when he was a kid!”
The veins bulged in his neck and face, and she could no longer see the man she loved inside the person speaking. This was someone else. Someone who’d been crushed by the world. “A bunch of shattered glass and police officers, and a chalk outline! That’s what I have left of Tarik!”
Her eyes welled up. She tried to keep a straight face, but he was killing her. His pain filled the room like water in a vase that was now overflowing, drowning them both.
“My mama was once again wrapped up in some man, not watching her children, and he fell out of a tenth-floor window. My big brother. GONE. Over some dick! It was always a man before her kids! Always a nigga before her babies! So fuck her! Fuck a counselor. Fuck letting bygones be bygones. Fuck turning the other cheek! I told Ms. Florence that I was going to do right on my promise to her—to tell my story. I’m tellin’ you! I’m showing you who I am, Desiree, and what I’m about. But certainly, Ms. Florence knew me well enough to understand that couldn’t be the end of it. My talking to you I mean, and pouring all this filth out at your feet. I need a happy ending, baby. I need a bloodbath.”
He clenched his fists. “I know you can understand. Remember how you smiled when you told me your fucked up daddy was dead.”
She swallowed, trying to not blink. To move. To breathe.
“I already know I ain’t right in the head, and I’m fine with that. So what? I already know my daddy failed me because when he left the home, I ain’t have no protection. These predators saw a single woman with kids. A single White mother who doesn’t pay attention to her children, and acts like they are an inconvenience half the damn time. I don’t want my mama dead. I used to think I did, but I don’t. What I want is for her to leave me the fuck alone. She was a target, and I think deep down she knew it. I became a sittin’ duck because of her own shit that she never worked through. I had a plan though, honey. You see, when I started fightin’ back, getting bigger, these mothafuckas got scared because I wasn’t afraid of them no mo’e. One of the three was originally from up North. Jersey.
“He thought nobody cared about shit like what he was doing over this way. I’m just a country boy, right?! A half-breed livin’ in poverty. Wit’ my pretty hair, gold eyes and freckles, a piece of exotic meat to these fuckin’ freaks! ‘Oh… he’s different lookin’, ain’t he? Oh, he’s so skinny and cute… Looks like a bitch!’ I started fightin’ back. I started actin’ out. I started yellin’ louder! Then my voice started to change, and I wasn’t so cute anymore. I had razor blades in my mouth when they’d try ’nd kiss me, and I learned how to hide a knife. I was gettin’ stronger, and they couldn’t hold me down no more. I threatened them… and I meant that shit. I told them I’d be back when they least expected it. I’d look them in the eye and let ’em know, ‘Bitch, when I return, it’ll be with a vengeance!’ CHURCH!”
She tried to avert her gaze but he stayed in her face, his rage a demon within itself. “So no, baby. I don’t require no fuckin’ counseling. I received all the help I need. My counselor, the woman who should have been my mama, is in a coffin, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, God rest her beautiful soul, but she’s also still very much alive. Let me tell your pretty little ass something.” He grabbed her arms and shook her. “Look at me! I promise that I love you, Desiree…” His voice softened. “I promise I’d never hurt you in a million fuckin’ years. I promise I understand your pain, and you understand mine. We were made for each other. If neither of us knew that before, we definitely know it now. I promise that one day, if you can stand the rain with me just a little bit longer, you’ll get the sunshine and rainbows for the rest of your days. I promise that I’ll be good for you, and to you…