Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 122609 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 613(@200wpm)___ 490(@250wpm)___ 409(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122609 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 613(@200wpm)___ 490(@250wpm)___ 409(@300wpm)
No shame in askin’ for help when I need it, but I gotta prove myself. Show I can stand on my own two feet. Tyler, my flesh and blood, might have forgotten me… not even remember who I am. These thoughts formed a bitter ball in the back of her throat, one she was destined to choke on. With a loud grunt, she got to her feet and made it out of Archer’s surveillance station. She found herself soon in the kitchen, grabbing that ice-cold beer she’d been dreaming about, then sitting at the granite breakfast nook table.
It was unusually quiet in the house. No music. No walking about. No televisions going, or activity on the cameras. The sprinklers weren’t even working, and there were no distant sounds of cars or people running lawnmowers, either. Honey was out covering a story about some stolen items from an Asian display at a museum, and Archer was at the warehouse, working.
It was just her and her thoughts. Alone in a house that was far too big for her sense of self, yet far too small for her ever-growing wounded pride. She took out her cellphone and called a friend—Heather. That conversation was cut short, as Heather was on her way to some salon to get her hair dyed from dark brown to red, and then seeing a guy about removing her ex-boyfriend’s name from her tit. She debated calling someone else, but figured it would be more of the same. It appeared as of late she and her friends were drifting away from each other. On two different planets. Not just physically, but mentally.
This made sense because she’d made it clear she was now on a different path, turning a new leaf, and it would be against her probation orders to fraternize with other inmates—except for her brother since she was staying in his home, and he’d not been incarcerated for quite some time. Over half of her friends were felons, or had drug dependency issues. Many of them struggled with both simultaneously. It was a vicious cycle. Her clean and sober pals didn’t answer her calls much, except for one who’d become a born-again-Christian and always tried to get her wrapped up in some damn pyramid scheme. Her brother was the only example who seemed fit for her to saddle close to.
Archer appeared rehabilitated. He was a trusted keeper. She laughed at the thought. Looks could be deceiving, but what choice did she have? She cried on the inside, wrestling with her loneliness. She hated the feeling so much. That’s why I run from vice to vice. Adrenaline rushes. At least that’s what the psychologist said to her the last time she was held up in the looney bin. Loneliness was the worst place to be, in her book. It consumed one’s soul, and everything turned dark and cold. I had people around me all the time for the longest and now, even when I’m in a crowd, I feel alone. It was like nothing she’d felt before.
When she was young, she had her mama, her dad, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. Some of them moved to other cities and states, passed away, or wanted nothing to do with her once she began her life of petty crime. Dad didn’t have any brothers and sisters, so the pickings were already slim.
She had no significant other, and she didn’t want one. It was far too much trouble and energy, and though she was happy for Archer, she hadn’t seen him so taken by someone to this level in years, if ever. This was his time for love, not hers. It was a bonus that she liked Honey well enough, and in an effort to keep the peace, she’d kept to herself an unkind comment from their mother during her welcome-home party. If Archer got wind of it, she was convinced he’d cut their mother off for good and never speak to her again, but she surmised it was just the alcohol talking, along with whatever drugs mom had shoved down her throat before arriving. Mama didn’t want the little attention she received from Archer split three ways, but she also wanted him to be happy. She wrestled with it, and said something careless and cruel. Now that he was in love, it was inevitable that his time would be more limited. Honey was probably the best thing to ever happen to Archer, Mama knew it deep down, too, and Irish wouldn’t let anyone or anything jeopardize her brother’s happiness.
Mama says she’s off those pills, but I don’t believe her. It’s like a monkey on her back. I just want to be free from every damn thing that’s holdin’ me back. I need some good friends. Women like me. Women tryna better themselves. Honey’s often too busy but she’s great to talk to, even though we don’t have a lot in common. She’s never struggled with no addiction, lost her kid, and nothin’ like that. I don’t know how to make new friends that good, either. I’m too blunt, I’ve been told. I don’t know how to be like other people. Normal. I get bored too easily. Loneliness and monotony are a deadly combination.