Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
The sensations build and build, and relief from the needy ache suddenly seems to be within reach.
I let the wall support me as I find a satisfying rhythm. Warm water sprays on my back and drips down my legs as my fingers circle round and round.
Suddenly, my entire body pulses, everything seizing up at once, before releasing in the most incredible way. My eyes squeeze shut as if to help me take it all in more fully.
A few strong waves of pleasure wash through me, and I momentarily lose awareness of my surroundings. I’m disoriented when it passes.
Even though I never experienced this before, I’ve read enough to know what happened, but it was unlike anything I expected. It somehow seemed both dark and pure, like I was in touch with some unknowable part of myself for a brief moment in time.
I stand there under the shower until my heart stops pounding, and when I feel steady enough, I turn off the water, step out, and dry off.
My body is buzzing with an exhilarating type of calm.
With the towel around me, I wrap my arms around my body and take a deep breath. The edges of my internal ache have softened, but a strong need still lies within.
AVA
“Hi, Ava.” Josephine gives me a smile and then looks behind me as I come in the door, but I’m alone. “Where’s your mother?”
I usually drive my mom to our volunteering shifts at the soup kitchen, but today she told me to go ahead without her. “She was running late,” I tell Josephine. “She’ll be here in a little while.”
A couple of others from the church are here too, and we exchange greetings all around before getting down to work, half of our group working out front, and my group, which is mostly the younger church members, packing lunch bags in the back.
This is one of the things about our church that I like the most, its community outreach and charitable activities. It feels good to help others, but I can’t help but think about the conflict between this aspect of the church and so many other things that make me uncomfortable. I wish it could be a force for good in the world without all the repressive rules.
“Did you hear about that, Ava?” Josephine nudges my shoulder as we work side by side, making me realize I’ve zoned out.
“What’s that?”
“People are saying that Rebecca Haines might be pregnant again. Have you heard anything?”
I shake my head and murmur a response in the negative.
Everyone knows everyone else’s business in the congregation. I used to think all the gossip was fun and interesting, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize it’s an invasion of privacy. Someone should be able to share news about their pregnancy, or whatever, when they’re ready, without speculation spreading up and down the aisles every Sunday.
“And their youngest is still in diapers, barely walking,” a friend on the other side of Josephine leans over to add.
The conversation carries on around me as my mind drifts off to my plans for this evening: my date with Gray. I’m bubbling with excitement, and wish I could talk to Josephine about it, but I definitely can’t risk it getting caught up in the rumor mill. I’ll have to catch up with Lexy and Ember sometime soon, because I need to process everything that’s been happening lately.
I don’t like the fact that I have a group of friends for one part of my life and a separate group for the other. Though Lexy and Ember don’t know everything about my life, I feel as if I can share more with them lately, but I’ve known most of my church friends since we were kids. If I were to break away from the church, I’d miss them a lot, especially Josephine.
When our shift is nearly over, I realize my mom still hasn’t shown up. I send a text, but it’s a full half hour later, when I’m back at my apartment and trying to choose a dress for my date, that I hear back from her with a vague excuse.
The only time I can remember her missing volunteering was when she was sick, so I make a mental note to check in with her tomorrow. In the meantime, I decide my wardrobe is woefully inadequate for a date with Gray.
My skirts are too long, the designs are too simple, and nothing makes me look like a woman who belongs on a date with someone like Gray. I should have considered this before it was too late to buy something new.
In the end, I go with my black dress. I cringe when I try it on, because I bought it to wear to a funeral, but with my hair up and a couple of accessories, it turns into the most stylish thing I have.