Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 101261 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101261 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
“Wash your hands,” the four of us called in unison.
“Do you want to take it from here?” Mariposa asked. “It’s a little close in here.”
“It is,” I agreed, adding, “And we’ll get her up, too. You sleep in,” as Olivia stepped out of the bathroom, wiping her hands on her rainbows-and-hearts printed pajama set.
“Oh, everyone is here,” she said, blinking in surprise. Yet another expression that was so very Emma.
“We wanted to talk to you about something very important,” Neil said gently. “Tell Mariposa goodnight, and we’ll tuck you in.”
“Goodnight! Sleep tight! Don’t let the bedbugs bite!” Olivia called out cheerfully.
“I don’t think we have bedbugs on the yacht,” El-Mudad assured her.
With a withering stare that would have made her mother proud, the child informed him, “They can be anywhere. They’re a real problem in New York.”
“Are they?” Neil raised an eyebrow in amusement.
“Amberson Cooper said so on the news channel,” she warned gravely.
“Bedbugs or no bedbugs, let’s get you in.” El-Mudad pulled back the blankets and helped her. “Anna or Elsa?”
Olivia pointed to the adorable baby Elsa doll I’d very much considered buying a duplicate of so I could snuggle it myself. She laid it carefully on her pillow and flopped down next to it, rubbing her eye when the plastic hand poked her.
“Careful! It isn’t time for tumbling.” El-Mudad sat on the side of her bed and fussed with her blankets. “Olivia...you know that I love you very, very much, don’t you?”
“And I love you very, very much.” She beamed up at him and hugged her Elsa doll tight.
“I know.” El-Mudad patted her knee. “And it’s because I love you and you love me that I’d like to adopt you. Do you know what that means?”
She shook her head.
“It means that I would be your father,” he explained.
Olivia’s brow furrowed. “But I have a father. He’s in heaven.”
Neil coughed uncomfortably. The three of us weren’t atheists as much as we were apathetic on the entire subject of religion, but Neil and I had both called upon our Christian upbringings when some of Olivia’s questions had gotten too hard. I could see Neil regretting that tactic as he struggled to come up with just the right words. “Yes, he is, sweet girl. And he will always be your father. But he isn’t here now. And I think he and your mommy would be delighted for you to have a daddy.”
“Daddy number two.” She stroked her chin comically as she thought.
“That’s a good way of putting it,” I said with a decisive nod.
“Okay,” she said after another long moment of consideration. “And Sophie, you’ll be my mommy?”
Oof. Stinging tears rose in my eyes with the same sudden intensity as they had back when she’d been a toddler, and she’d accidentally headbutted me during a tantrum. How could I look at her sweet little face and tell her that I didn’t want to be her mommy?
I was going to. I just didn’t know how.
It was a real “What Would Emma Do?” moment. I took a deep breath. “No. I’ll be your Sophie. Because that’s what your mommy wanted me to be.”
El-Mudad leaned over to kiss Olivia’s forehead. “I am so glad I get to be your daddy.”
“And I can say you’re my daddy?” she asked, uncharacteristically timid.
“Anytime,” he assured her.
“Okay.” She frowned, her gaze darting away from us as she tried out the word in her mouth. “Daddy. Okay. I think my Daddy in heaven won’t be mad.”
I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I know for a fact that he won’t.”
“I hope you didn’t have grand designs for tonight. I must wash all of this travel off of me,” El-Mudad made a face and gestured to himself.
“Would you like company?” Neil asked, much in the same way he would have asked if someone wanted a glass of water.
El-Mudad shook his head. “No. I would prefer a moment to relax and collect my thoughts on my own.”
“That’s an awfully poetic way to say you want us to leave you the fuck alone.” I grinned at him so he would know I was only joking. Two’s a company, three’s a crowd, and that adage could also apply to marriage. All of us understood that and respected it without any hard feelings.
He smiled, but it didn’t reach the dark circles beneath his eyes. “Fine. I’m emotionally exhausted and can’t ‘people’ any more today.”
“Now you’re speaking my language.” I kissed his cheek. “If I don’t see you before you’re asleep, goodnight.”
“Goodnight, my loves.” He shut the bedroom door behind him when he left.
He also sucked the oxygen out of the room and took it with him. Neil and I stood in the sitting room, staring at each other in silence. It was as though something had changed between us, as though this new and momentous direction of our lives together had dropped a bombshell of tension on us.