Total pages in book: 42
Estimated words: 38168 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 191(@200wpm)___ 153(@250wpm)___ 127(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 38168 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 191(@200wpm)___ 153(@250wpm)___ 127(@300wpm)
Of course, I know the slag of Hades stalked me like a nineteen-eighties song and that she would get the wrong idea. I also knew that he would too. Apparently, she ripped into him because she was sure that he and I did the deed when he came to pick up the kids and because he’d spent so much time climbing up my ass about where I was going and who with, it looked like he’d taken at least an hour longer than was necessary.
Since then, every time he came to get the kids, which was every other weekend, I pulled another stunt. Then came the day of the storm. It was raining cats and dogs, and I may or may not have implied that I needed him to come get the kids because I had company coming over.
Once he arrived, breathing fire, I reminded him that we were no longer married. Secondly, it was his weekend, and last but not least, he knew how much I hate thunder and lightning, so my ‘friend’ was going to sleep over to keep me safe. Kind of like the way he used to when he was a real man, but I didn’t tack that on.
Well, it got so bad, which I knew it would because I’d been scoping out the weather for a week, that he decided it wasn’t safe to drive the kids in this. We had the first night as a family since the divorce since I had to feed him. I made a fake call with a lot of whispers about how we’d have to cancel because the kids were still there.
He looked very pleased with himself when I hung up the phone, but once he saw what I was planning to feed my imaginary friend, he was back on his shit. “You were going to feed him stroganoff? You haven’t made that for me in years.” Yes, because my kids don’t eat this shit, and it’s a pain in the ass to make besides.
“Oh, I forgot you like that. It’s one of Tim’s favorites as well.”
“Who the hell is Tim?”
Beats me. “A friend.” I served my kids their mashed potatoes with roast beef and glazed carrots while I plated my own food. When he looked at me as if expecting me to feed him, I ignored him. He got the hint and got up to feed himself.
The kids were very excited to have him there and he seemed to forget who he was because he shut off his phone after the hag started calling and texting nonstop. I pretended not to notice because it was none of my business.
After we put the kids down together, he asked to watch a movie, which I showed no interest in, and played on my phone while he found something to watch. He wanted to have a conversation, but I didn’t.
“I’m not really interested in doing this with you. I really wish Tim was here. Maybe it’ll clear up soon, and you can leave so he can come over.”
“You’re not having a strange man in the house with my kids.”
“Really? Don’t you have them around your girlfriend every other weekend?”
“That’s different. This is the family home; it will confuse them.”
“Are you on something? You don’t think they’re confused that their mother and father no longer live together, and Daddy takes them to see his new girlfriend every other weekend? Get real. Besides, I don’t need your permission.”
I got up and went to the window as if checking on the weather. A clap of thunder shook the house, and I ran to the bathroom, legitimately shaking but needing to put the nail in his coffin.
I pretended to call this Tim person and went on about how terrified I was, how I needed him there, how I wished it was him here with me to keep me safe. Five minutes later, I left the bathroom to find an irate Justin sitting on my couch, looking like someone kicked his puppy.
“I don’t… who…?” He didn’t have a leg to stand on, so he just shut the hell up while I took my seat again. I pretend texted ‘Tim’ and laughed at nothing while hiding my phone screen like I was sharing state secrets.
“Hmm mmm, excuse me for a minute.” I headed upstairs to the bedroom and closed the door, leaving it just a little bit open. I usually sleep that way for the kids, so this was nothing new.
What was new, though, was my ex-husband sneaking into that doorway to see me taking selfies in the new baby doll I’d bought for the occasion. I knew he was there the whole time, even when I pretended to send the pictures to ‘Tim.’ And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I found myself bent over my bedroom bureau with a pissed-off ex-husband behind me, fighting with his zipper.