Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 121389 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121389 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Ivan closed the apartment door behind himself on that thought.
He was used to aloneness, even sought it, but Arwen’s statement had inadvertently torn open a yawning emptiness within. In seeking to help him, his cousin had shown him exactly what he could’ve had if the spider didn’t live in his head, born of toxins so complex that no medic had ever been able to explain the process that had created him.
A mutation.
That was how his DNA had been described in one dry medical report. And that was what he was: a mutated version of normal, one so far off the curve that the curve no longer existed.
Perhaps he’d have risked a relationship with Soleil if the problem had been mere genetics. He’d have explained why they couldn’t procreate together, and asked if she’d be all right with adoption. He knew the answer to his question already; she was a healer, wasn’t she? Big open heart and an inability to do anything other than embrace wounded or lost creatures.
She’d have enfolded those children’s tiny souls in love.
But the problem wasn’t only genetics. The problem was what the genetics had birthed: a bloated and monstrous thing that would swallow everything in its path. Including the obstinate cat who refused to let go of him.
A flexing of claws in his mind, the prowling brush of fur.
Gut tight, he fought against the wonder of that, of a bond primal and raw. The first thing he did when he walked into his bedroom was strip and walk into the shower. He always felt coated in filth after a visit to the halfway house area. He knew the reaction was a psychosomatic one, that there was nothing the users could do that would cling to him—but still, he stood under blazing-hot water with his eyes closed until he felt clean at last.
Not clean enough to touch Soleil, but enough to pass in the outside world.
Then, after rubbing his hair and body dry with a rough towel, he headed to bed. He was tired, needed to recharge. He was on the edge of sleep when he found himself confronted by a cat with eyes of tawny gold. She prowled inside his mind, her fur sliding against his skin, and her claws running lightly over his body.
Ivan didn’t attempt to push out the intruder. His shields down, he admitted that he wanted her here with him. A deadly confession, a deadly need.
SOLEIL kissed Razi’s furry little head and stroked her hand down Natal’s back while the moon and the stars rotated slowly around the room from the night light plugged into a wall socket. It was Razi’s favorite, Yariela had told her, given to her by Lucas when their alpha discovered she wasn’t sleeping, her world full of nightmares.
“He slept in his panther form beside her and Natal for a whole week after we came here,” Soleil’s mentor had said, her eyes drenched with devotion for her new alpha. “He didn’t leave until she was able to sleep the night through two nights in a row.
“I worried his mate would be angry with us for stealing so much of his time, but oh, Leilei, she’s a healer, too. One of the Psy empaths with the stars in her eyes. Their niñita is much younger than Razi, but she’s a fierce little panther, protective of Razi in a way you’ll have to see to believe.”
Laughter. “The twins are insistent that little Naya is their baby. And she’s insistent that she isn’t a baby!” Cheeks creasing, she’d said, “I would pity those boys in the years to come, for she’s not built to accept their protective tendencies, but I have a feeling all three will be quite the hellions together—and they’re teaching our cubs how to be ferocious and naughty, too.”
Only those who’d lived under the subtle suffocation of SkyElm’s negligent alpha could understand the value of that gift. The rot had begun with Soleil’s alpha grandfather, but Monroe had taken it to the next level, until it poisoned their pack. But these two babies would grow up wild and free, sneaking out of windows and, as they grew older, probably sneaking into windows.
The thought made her smile as she petted each cub once more. Razi and Natal had insisted that she put them to bed, giving her heart another boost of sheer joy. Though the Ryders had another spare room the cubs could’ve used, Tamsyn had told her that the two always preferred to bunk with the twins.
“We weren’t ready for them the first time they stayed over,” the healer had said, “and threw together a big fluffy futon for them in between the boys’ beds. Next thing you know, it’s morning and all four of them are on that futon.”
Feline delight in her eyes, the healer had leaned in close, her inner warmth a kiss of love that surrounded Soleil. “I should’ve known. The cat in me still wants to jump onto the futon with them, and the boys are waging a campaign to get futons for their beds when they outgrow their current ones.”