Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 103428 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 517(@200wpm)___ 414(@250wpm)___ 345(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103428 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 517(@200wpm)___ 414(@250wpm)___ 345(@300wpm)
“What’s going on, my friend?”
I sighed. “I ran into Aaron Jensen.”
“Okay…”
“He had Eloise with him.” I’d been looking down at the ground but raised my eyes to meet Will’s. “She’s deaf.”
Will frowned. “But she’s okay, otherwise?”
I shrugged. “She has braces on her legs, and her…” I couldn’t bring myself to call him her father, even after three years. “Aaron was signing to her.”
Will digested the information. “Okay, well, you knew there was a possibility she might have hearing deficits and some developmental issues. That’s tough, but doesn’t mean she won’t be able to live a perfectly happy life.”
I closed my eyes and pictured her in the shopping cart. The face had haunted my thoughts so much that not even drowning in alcohol could stop it. “She looks just like Amelia.”
Will was quiet a long time. “You need to nip this shit in the bud before you blow things with Evie.”
I looked up at him.
Will shut his eyes. “Shit. You already did.”
“I fucking did this to Eloise.” I shook my head. “I don’t even know if that’s her name anymore.”
“Did what to Eloise?”
“Everything. It was the choices I made that killed her mother and caused her to be born prematurely. If I’d just let nature take its course…”
Will’s face wrinkled. “What are you talking about?”
“You know I made all of the medical decisions for Amelia and the baby.”
“Yeah, and?”
“She went into labor from a drug I approved giving her.”
“Yeah, because the team of doctors treating her recommended it. I know you’re a smart dude, but you didn’t go to four years of medical school and do eight years of residency like the neurologists did. Not to mention, there’s no proof that the medicine caused her to go into labor early. Her body was giving out long before that.” He shook his head. “Things happen. Women who aren’t in plane crashes go into early labor and have babies with far more issues. There’s shit in life we can’t control.”
I heard Will talking, but I was too distracted by the memories flashing through my mind to really listen to him. One, in particular, was the hardest to tune out. It was the day I’d found out my daughter wasn’t my daughter. I’d left the hospital to wallow in self-pity marinated in vodka and come back to an empty bed.
“I didn’t say goodbye to her,” I choked out.
Will stared at me as tears rolled down my cheeks. “What do you mean, you didn’t say goodbye? I was outside the room when you held her—” He stopped abruptly. “Shit. You don’t mean Eloise, do you? You’re talking about Amelia. This isn’t just about the baby.”
A few minutes passed without either of us talking. Eventually Will sat up. He took his feet from the coffee table and leaned his elbows on his knees. “Do you love Evie?”
I wiped my tears and nodded. “I do.”
“Then you need to figure out a way to move on.”
I thought I had moved on…until I saw Eloise’s sweet face. “How do I fucking do anything now?”
“You stop letting things from your past destroy your future. I’m no shrink, but I think the first step is letting it out. It’s been three years, and this is the first time you’ve let the emotions in. After Amelia died, you came back to work a few days later like nothing happened. You can’t erase people from your heart to move on.” He tapped his fingertips to his chest. “You have to accept that they’re always going to have a piece and let it heal as best it can. A person who loves you will take your heart, scars and all.”
CHAPTER 31
Merrick
Three years ago
“Mr. Crawford?”
I looked up from the rocking chair. I’d been sitting and staring down at my little girl for the last hour. She was five days old today, and it was the first time she’d been stable enough to come out of the incubator.
The NICU nurse who’d handed her to me was standing at the door with another woman I didn’t recognize. She wore a suit, rather than scrubs like everyone else. The nurse walked over. “We need to put Eloise back in now. It’s important she gets sufficient time under the lights for her jaundice.”
I nodded and leaned down to kiss my daughter’s forehead. She was tiny, so freaking tiny.
When I was ready, the nurse scooped the baby from my arms and set her back in the incubator. She smiled warmly at me as she pointed to the woman standing in the doorway. “Mrs. Walters would like to speak to you. She’s the hospital’s in-house attorney.”
My eyes jumped to the woman. I guessed they’d sent in the big guns since I’d refused to sign the DNR for Amelia so far. I nodded and stood. “Can I hold the baby again later?”
“Of course. We’ll just do it in short sessions.” She looked at her watch. “It’s three o’clock now. Maybe around seven?”